


A storyboard of our own

by dri_br



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:22:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22255375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dri_br/pseuds/dri_br
Summary: Trust what they had. Eddie needed to trust what they had.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz (9-1-1) & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 54
Kudos: 288





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> One of those stories that won't let go until you do something about it. Little angst, but lots of love all around.

The only information Christopher had shared with him and Buck about his reading school project was the name of the book – the first one in the _Diary of a Wimpy Kid_ series – and the day and time they had to show up at school for the reading fair and appreciate their kid’s storyboard unveil.

Christopher’s teacher welcomed them at the door and invited them and the other parents in await in. As the storyboards and their authors were alphabetically waiting in a semicircle in Chris’ classroom, it wasn’t hard for Buck – phone in hand, camera mood on – to zoom in for it as soon as they stepped into the room filling up with other very enthusiastic parents also recording and photographing their kids’ work.

“You gotta see this, Eddie! It’s amazing!” Buck pulled a giggling Chris into a crushing and kissed the top of his head. “So proud of you, kiddo.”

“It’s really awesome, kid,” Eddie said, joining the duo, one arm circling his boyfriend’s waist and the other going around his kid’s shoulders. “We’re very proud of you, _mi hijo_.”

Christopher beamed up at them, doing his best to balance himself and return the hugs. “Thank you, dad. Thank you, Buck. I really enjoyed reading the book. It was easy to work on it.” Then he turned around, inviting them to get closer. “Let me show you.”

Through Christopher’s explanation, Eddie could see this storyboard was a bit more elaborated than the one from last year. In addition to the book title and author and name of characters, there was also the information about summary, setting, favorite quotes and other tidbits that gave Christopher the chance to really interact with the book. Also, whoever had the chance to come across his storyboard would be able to understand why it had become his kid’s favorite reading material for the past semester.

Eddie was paying attention, of course he was, but it was also a delight to witness the interaction between Christopher and Buck. His boyfriend challenged his son with intelligent questions and at the same time made comments that had Christopher laughing and looking at him as if to say, _really?_

After some good ten minutes, Eddie entwined his finger with Buck’s to remind him that they had to check the other storyboards too and interact with the other kids.

They spent the next forty minutes or so getting to know the other kids’ projects and making small talk with the other gleeful parents, some of them old acquaintances from past school events, enjoying the cookies and refreshments the school had provided. All in all, it was a very pleasant evening.

As Eddie was helping Chris back into his jacket so they could be on their way to Chris’ favorite arcade – slash – restaurant for dinner and celebrate, his teacher approached them with a friendly smile.

“Did you have a good time with your family, Christopher?”

“Yeah, Miss Emily. I had a lot of fun. Buck and dad too.”

“Yes, everything was perfect,” Buck said, smiling at her. “Kid is good at keeping secrets. He zipped up and didn’t tell us anything about what he was planning.”

“But it was all worth it in the end,” Eddie added, ruffling his son’s hair. “Him and his classmates worked really well under your supervision. Thank you so much for all the hard work.”

She smiled softly and looked up at Eddie and Buck. “I can guarantee my peers and I had as much fun as all the students with this project. But it wouldn’t have been possible without the kids’ dedication and hard work.”

“Teamwork all the way, right, Miss Emily?”

“Yeah, kiddo! Teamwork all the way. You played your part pretty well,” she agreed fist bumping Chris, who blushed and tried to hide his face against Eddie’s jacket. “Today was only for parents and other immediate family, and I know tomorrow is Saturday and you may have a busy schedule, but I hope you can come back to visit the other exhibitions as well. It will be open for everybody.”

“He’ll be coming earlier with my sister, his _abuela_ and _tia_ , and perhaps Carla too. Eddie and I will come after our shift at the station, but we’ll be here.”

“That’s great. We’ll be also handing out leaflets with some of the programs and activities so you guys can have a heads up for next semester.”

Shyness forgotten, Chris’ face lightened up as he looked back at his teacher. “Will there be another camping trip?”

“You bet!”

“YES!” Chris made that little, noisy dancing around himself and that warmed up Eddie’s heart as his clutches tapped the floor. “Can I go, dad? Please!”

Buck and Miss Emily were laughing at his son’s enthusiasm; Eddie was frowning. These trips cost money, and Eddie had had some unexpected extra expenses with the car and house maintenance that had left very little to spare lately. Besides, there was Carla and the extra-curricular activities at school Eddie had enrolled Chris that happened twice a week and that Eddie payed out of his own pocket.

“We’ll see, kiddo. Remember your dad is just a poor civil servant with lots of bills to pay,” Eddie replied, trying to make light of the situation.

“Oh.” It killed Eddie to see his kid’s happiness damper right before his eyes, but Christopher knew money could be tight at times. He was lucky to have such an understanding kid. “Okay.”

His teacher smiled in sympathy. “I understand, Mr. Diaz. But it’s just for next semester. So, who knows? And well, if you excuse me, I’d better check with to the other parents. Thank you, guys, for coming. I’ll see you tomorrow, Christopher.”

“Bye, Miss Evelyn.”

Eddie hated to see how dejected his son sounded and looked, the radiance that was there not a minute ago fading to the disappointment about a trip that most certainly would not happen, but the one thing Eddie had to learn between the time he came back from Afghanistan and the fiasco with Shannon was that there were things he could never overcompensate.

Except with ice cream.

“Come on, little man,” Eddie said, gently steering Chris towards the door. “There is a pizza with your name on it and all the ice cream you can eat waiting for you at the arcade.”

At the mention of ice cream, his child perked up a little. Not enough to make Eddie feel less like a momentary financial failure, but that was a start.

“All the ice cream? Really? With hot chocolate fudge on top?”

“If by all the ice cream you mean the two scoops you can handle and that I have to help you finish, yeah, all the ice cream you can handle.”

“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore!” Chris huffed full of childish indignation.

“Says the ten-year-old.”

“Buck, tell dad I don’t need help to finish my ice cream anymore!”

That would be Buck’s clue to join the side of whoever needed the cheering in their little family, and Eddie loved him despite knowing his boyfriend could be a little shit whose only allegiance laid in making the people he loved feel better. Tonight, Eddie just knew he would have to bear his lover and his son ganging up on him, and it would be fine if they could delay this camping trip conversation for a while.

Said boyfriend, however, remained suspiciously silent.

In fact, Eddie hadn’t heard from Buck since the talk about the camping trip started. Looking behind them, he could see his boyfriend was still to move from their previous spot.

Buck had his eyes narrowed, lips twitching in silence and the look that went from heartbroken to his determined self that more often than not meant act first, think about it later, and let’s deal with the consequences as they come our way. Something pragmatic, feet-on-the-ground and good head on his shoulders Eddie would have a hard time to accept coming from his heart on his sleeve boyfriend.

“Coming, _mi novio_?” Eddie invited, plastering a smile to his face in hopes of diffusing the situation before it happened.

There was a flicker of conflict going behind Buck’s blue eyes, that morphed into an apology hidden in a smile directed first at Christopher, then at Eddie as Buck finally joined them in two large steps.

“Hey, buddy, you know what?” Buck lightly bumped Chris on his shoulder, kneeling to be in eye level with his kid and ignoring Eddie shaking his head at him. “Between your daddy and I, I’m sure we’ll come up with something to make your trip happen.”

There was some glint of hope in his son’s smile that froze Eddie where he stood, ready to protest and explain to Buck that things in their household didn’t happen that way, that they needed planning, that they had a budget they needed to work around in order to keep afloat.

“You promise, Buck?”

“Cross my heart, kiddo.”

‘YES!”

In his happiness, Chris launched himself at Buck and the pair of them would have fallen on the floor if Eddie hadn’t reached out to stead his son.

Watching his son in his lover’s arms unfurled something in equal parts small and bitter and sweet, unnamable in its pettiness and in the guilt it caused Eddie. It must have taken over his face, stronger than the smile Eddie’s brain was telling his that scene deserved, because with one look, just one look at Eddie for over Chris’ shoulders and the contentment glinting in Buck’s eyes faded to the feeling of emptiness that should have no place inside of Eddie.

Still, there it was.

******


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about a chapter hard to write. Sorry for taking this long. I hope it was worth the wait. Still unbeta-ed, but now I had some extra help from Grammarly.

Eddie didn’t have to look to remember the pattern he had memorized from the many times he had followed Buck up close, attached to Buck’s back in Eddie’s tiny en suite bathroom, fingers wrapped around Buck’s waist under his shirt (Eddie’s, actually), fingertips vibrating against the skin of Buck's stomach because he always made Buck laugh to the point of almost choking with the toothpaste foaming his lips. Some other times Eddie just observed, lazy smile and hooded eyelids, chin resting on the curve of Buck’s neck, learning the ways of Buck.

Tonight, Eddie wasn’t looking.

Yet, he _knew_ of flannel pantlegs that brushed the back sole of bare feet and a tee a little loose around the shoulders, hen just shy of not covering Buck’s waistline where he leaned forward, his left hand braced against the top of the bathroom sink, right hand moving in rhythmical, small circles in his mouth (top-left-bottom-right, rinse, repeat).

Eddie knew about the overextended smile whose only purpose was to check left, right, tongue going after any remains of the pizza, soda, and dessert from their dinner, passing along twice more just to make sure. Then turn the faucet on, fill his glass with water – not the green one, that belonged to Eddie. The blue one, the one Christopher insisted Eddie should buy along with the toothbrush of the same color because, _“they are like Buck’s eyes, dad.”_

Eddie bought them, and they were where they belonged, in the en suite, next to Eddie's on the top of the bathroom sink, along with their shaving kits, lotions, and deodorant, Axe for Eddie, Polo for Buck because, of course.

There was the familiarity of Buck turning off the faucet and patting his face dry, of Buck checking his handwork one more time before turning out the lights and walking back into the bedroom, smile at Eddie as he set the alarm for the next day, a little bit earlier because they were dropping Christopher at Abuela's before their shift started. 

It was so natural to have Buck help Eddie turn down the covers and fluffy pillows (two for Buck, one for himself) because they had done that countless times since they started dating and became the ‘thing’ that in the past eighteen months and odd weeks (Eddie knew exactly how many they were) would spend their nights together.

Too many evenings to keep track of were spent like today, dining out, having a good time with Christopher, resisting any of his son’s attempts to stay up past his bedtime because Buck was there. Buck sharing their space was no novelty. He had been around for so long and his son was still in awe with Buck. Hell, _Eddie_ was still in awe with Buck, and he was an adult.

An adult that tonight broke their routine because he couldn’t… wouldn’t… refused to name this uneasiness that warned him to stay put, to watch from afar Buck and Chris having fun at the arcade, the way Buck was around to cheer for his son and find delight in all the small victories Buck would turn into memorable wins and would last his son a lifetime.

Tonight should be about them lying in bed talking about their day at work, their evening at the reading fair, and the way Chris lightened up when Buck promised him a trip that his own father was not sure he could afford.

Tonight Eddie chose to not reach forward, to not touch or smile. Tonight Eddie was a grown-up man who had no idea of what to do, what to say to the man he loved and was looking at him with reluctance and confusion, a little fear.

“Hey, boyfriend.”

Eddie didn’t reply, too afraid of letting the acidity burning inside spill and corrode its path into Buck’s tentative ways of approaching him.

But it was too late.

Buck frowned, his arms hanging loose at his sides, limbs that by now should be wrapped around Eddie's neck, fingers that should be combing through the short ends of the hair on Eddie's nape and lips that should be aching to kiss Eddie's…

It was their routine, their ritual that could culminate in a sleepy makeout session before bed, or in the sound of their sweaty, naked bodies slapping against each other muffled by the labored, guttural breathing they desperately tried to keep from waking Christopher while they made love.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Buck sighed in resignation. “Eddie…”

Eddie paced the short length of his bedroom – headboard to dresser, dresser to headboard – breathing loud and noisy in his frustration because hell if he knew what was wrong.

Only he did, and to open that can of worms when he was pent-up with frustration was a recipe for disaster.

“I’ve said there’s nothing wrong, Buck. Just drop it and let’s just, let’s just go to bed, all right?”

“Drop it and go to bed?” Buck snorted in disbelief. “I don’t think so, man. Not when you can barely look at me.” He breathed once, twice, before he straightened up his shoulders, faced Eddie and tried again. “Just tell me what’s wrong. Was it something I did?”

Eddie held Buck's gaze for a second before he resumed pacing, lips tightly closed so he wouldn't let it escape that, yes, it was something Buck had said, the promise he made to his son and that he could afford.

Behind him, Buck wheezed a sound that resembled a wounded kind of laugh. “You’re… you’re pissed at me?”

Oh, Eddie was pissed, all right, but not at Buck. He was pissed at himself for resenting Buck because right now Buck could provide Christopher with something Eddie _could not_.

“I am not pissed at you.”

“Could have fooled me!”

“You know what? I’m going to bed!”

Restless in his steps, Eddie instead walked past Buck and out the bedroom door. Taking calming breaths wasn’t working. Without knowing what to do with himself, he went to the bathroom in the hallway and splashed some water in his face. It wasn’t enough to cool him down, so he went to Christopher’s bedroom and just for a few moments considered spending the night with his son, not the most adult thing to do, but the alternative – going back and have a reasonable conversation with Buck – was far worse.

In the end, he just made sure Christopher hadn’t been disturbed by the noise, kissed his forehead and prayed for strength and wisdom to do the right thing, which turned out to be checking the locks and windows in the house and going to the kitchen for a glass of water that he didn’t want to drink, but that would keep his hands occupied anyway.

And again, he prayed. He prayed to keep his cool and calm the fucking down, otherwise, he knew he was going to say something he would regret.

He drank the water in two long gulps, rinsed his glass and made his way back to the bedroom, tension pricking every damn muscle in his body, hoping Buck would already be in bed, with his back turned to Eddie, mad at Eddie but within arm’s reach for Eddie didn’t know how to sleep without Buck beside him anymore.

Hell, Eddie had unlearned how to do so many basic things because of Buck.

And of course, Buck, stubborn creature he was, was waiting exactly where Eddie had left him.

“Eddie, please, talk to me,” Buck tried again. “Whatever is wrong, I’m sure between the two of us–“

Ain’t that how this messy situation started!

"Between the two of us what, Buck?" he finally snapped. "Between the two of us, you can finally learn how to shut up and let things go?"

“The hell you talking about?” Buck snapped back, confusion all over his face and Eddie was done with this bullshit.

“We can start with me saying no to my kid and you promising him something I can’t afford!”

“What the f…” Knowledge and understanding lightened up in Buck’s eyes, which went wide with realization. “The camping trip? You’re mad at me because of a couple of hundred bucks? Eddie, come on!”

“Come on what? It’s _my_ authority over _my_ kid.”

Buck flinched, swallowed hard, but kept his cool. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Eddie, but it’s not like I promised to buy him a new toy or something that you can’t afford. It’s a camping trip, a school project he loves, and _you_ know how good it will be to _YOUR_ kid.”

“Yes, MY kid!”

“You know what? _Fuck you_ ,” Buck hissed, storming past Eddie and out of the bedroom, not before Eddie saw his eyes brimming with tears.

Eddie dropped in his bed, elbows on knees, palms pressing closed eyelids as he tried to control his tears.

_Damn it, Buck! You’re supposed to understand me and call me on my bullshit! Not walk out on me and leave me in a mess I don’t even know how I got into and don’t know my way out of._

Eddie relied on Buck to keep him in line. And he knew it wasn't fair because between the two of them Eddie was the older one, the one with more responsibilities, baggage and life lessons. Eddie should be the one to know how to deal with his own frustrations, because, yeah, by the end of the day, he knew he was a frustrated bastard who should know better than to let his financial issue – that he wasn’t even sure would be a real issue by the time that damn camping trip happened – put any more damage into their time together.

In their relationship. Not only him and Buck. Christopher would be devastated if Eddie didn't fix this.

Pushing himself from the bed, Eddie first stopped at Chris’s room to make sure he hadn’t been disturbed, then he took tentative steps towards the living room.

Buck was sitting on the sofa, angrily wiping the tears in his eyes. He had put on a hoodie and the sneakers he kept in the hall closet, and Eddie was relieved he hadn’t left.

“I’m sorry, _mi amor_ ,” Eddie apologized softly, from the doorway, everything in him aching to get closer to Buck. “You know I trust my son’s life to you, don’t you? I didn’t mean anything with that my son bullshit, Buck. Please, you have to believe me.”

“I do,” Buck replied after a heartbeat, voice low, shoulders sagging in utter defeat. "And I also believe that you don’t even know it’s not about your authority or the money. But damn it, Eddie. I… I need you to forgive me.”

Slowly, Eddie approached him and knelt at his feet. "Forgive what, _mi amor_?” He used his thumb to touch buck’s chin, to caress his lips. “Tonight it was all on me, this insecurity I have and causes this need to be in control of everything. It’s my bullshit, _cariño_. You did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, I know, Eddie. But you haven’t.”

“I haven’t what?” Eddie asked, wiping a new tear that marred Buck’s cheek in silver. “You have to tell me, _mi amor_.”

“The lawsuit, Eddie. You still haven’t let go of that damned lawsuit.”

“Buck, that was ages ago,” Eddie said, genuinely surprised Buck brought back that damn period of their lives. “I could not hold it against you, _mi vida_. Not when it was what brought you back into my life like this.” 

“You forgave the friend, Eddie. The boyfriend, not so much.”

“Buck, this is nonsense.”

“No, it’s not,” Buck said, standing up and putting some distance from Eddie. “We weren’t together then, but I was already in love with you then, Eddie. I just wanted to go back to my work and the guys. But especially to Christopher and to _you_. At that time, being around you again, it would have to be enough. But now, I don’t know.”

“What?" Panic had Eddie up on his feet and beside Buck before he fully comprehended what he implied. "What is not enough? Buck, there is no way you have any doubts about my love for you. Please, _mi amor_ , tell me you understand I wouldn’t know what to do without you in my life.”

Buck sobbed. “Eddie…”

"Look, it's late," Eddie said softly, holding both of Buck's hands in his. "We should go to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow when we come back from Chris' school. I'll ask my _Tia_ to keep him for the night. We can talk then, okay?”

“Eddie, I don’t think I can stay here. Not tonight.”

"You don't have to sleep with me. Keep the bed. I'll sleep on the sofa," Eddie bargained, now in full panic mood.

“I… I’m sorry, Eddie.”

“Buck, please. Where would you go?”

“Home.”

 _But you are home_ , Eddie wanted to shout, but couldn’t. Buck wouldn’t have believed him.

And with that, Eddie watched helplessly as Buck stepped around him, fished for his car keys in the glass bowl by the door and left Eddie behind. Seconds later, the soft hum of his car in reverse robbed Eddied of the light coming from the Jeep’s headlights, the only brightness shining upon him, leaving Eddie alone in his darkened house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. And please, forgive Eddie. He will know better, that much I can promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, there -  
> I broke this chapter in two parts because it was getting too long. Also, I believe this way it will make more sense.  
> Still unbeta-ed, so all the mistakes belong to me.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

His morning started with a succession of errors that would have changed the current drama he was living into a comedy, had it not been real life. Eddie’s real life.

First, no Buck, no need to go back to his bedroom and stay up all night staring at the walls and waiting for any sign that he would still have a chance to make things right. He could keep his vigil from the living room, where he wouldn’t miss any familiar noise drifting in the house, any shift of colors in his driveway in case Buck came back. So, no bedroom, no alarm clock.

Second, it was Saturday, meaning no Christopher jumping in his bed to wake them up and demand attention, especially after Eddie had explained to him that whenever Buck spent the night, he should knock on the door and wait for permission before coming in.

Eddie didn’t remember when was the last time his son barged in in his room without knocking.

And third, he didn’t even remember falling asleep, but slept he did, on the sofa, and woke up to a kink on his neck, the beginning of a headache and a dead mobile in his hand that he had been too afraid to recharge the night before, and miss Buck’s reply to his text asking him to please let Eddie know he got back to his apartment safe, to please call Eddie no matter the time.

To please come back home.

All in vain. Buck had let Eddie know he was safe, and that was it: he hadn’t come back and Eddie was running late without even knowing whether his other pleas had been ignored or not.

He rushed his way through shower and hastily threw some clothes and gadgets in a backpack to keep Christopher entertained in his sleepover, then organized his bag with what he hoped was a clean uniform, rushed to throw everything in his truck, then rushed back to gather Christopher, blanket and everything in his arms, lock his house, buckle up his stirring son, and drive to his aunt’s.

“Sorry, buddy. There’s nothing wrong. Just running a little late this morning.” he apologized to his son when Chris, soft and disoriented with sleep asked him what was wrong.

“Where’s Buck?”

“He had to go back to his apartment,” Eddie said with a smile as fake as the cheerfulness he was trying to mask his voice with.

“Oh,” Christopher yawned. “But he’s going to see me at school, right?”

“Of course, Christopher. He wouldn’t miss your presentation for anything in the world.”

 _Not even for my stupidity_ , he thought, willing the phone plugged in his truck to recharge faster.

“Okay, then,” Christopher yawned again. “But can you tell him again, just in case?”

“Sure, _mi hijo_.”

Christopher smiled at him through the rearview mirror, closed his eyes and in seconds was snoring softly.

Eddie’s existence had been less complicated when the simple view of his slumbering son framed in his rearview mirror had held the answer to all his troubles. A past when the empty passenger seat beside his had no weigh in the bliss of little moments shared with Chris.

Little things marked the passage of time since Eddie and Buck started dating, like the empty silence of a missing voice, the pressure of the palm of a hand encasing the hardness of his knee, the soft brush of a thumb drawing small circle on the fabric of his jeans, a second pair of eyes checking Christopher in the backseat…

Parking his car beside Buck’s was another negative counterbalance in his already shitty morning. They hadn't needed two parking spaces for so long, except for when they were in opposite shifts. In the rare instances when he and Buck hadn’t started work together, one of them would ride the bus to the station or hit the gym to wait for the other to be done for the day and drive back home together.

Eddie touched the hood of the Jeep looking for heat and found none. Buck must have been there for a while.

“Debriefing in ten, Diaz.”

Eddie pulled back his hand, embarrassed for the not so subtle reminder that he was running late, and turned to Bobby, who was looking at him from across Buck’s car. He didn’t seem very happy in Eddie’s company.

“Sorry, Cap. I didn’t hear the alarm clock this morning and I… Buck…” Aimed at Buck, that raised eyebrow would look very paternal; at Eddie, not so much. However, Eddie had faced worst at twenty-two, when he had to tell his girlfriend's parents they were going to be grandparents. He squared up his shoulder and did his best not to stutter as he had done with Shannon's parents. "Is, is Buck here already?"

Trust Bobby to glare at him with warmth in his eyes. “Yes, he is. He asked if he could start his shift a couple of hours earlier. I suppose you’re not going together to Christopher’s event?”

“What do you mean?”

Bobby pointed to the Jeep. “Separate cars,” then he pointed to Eddie, “and he will be finished here before you.”

“Shit,” Eddie cursed softly, giving up on any pretense that he was in control of whatever was going on between him and Buck. “Is he okay?”

“Well,” Bobby started, joining his position against the Jeep’s door, but with a lot more composure. “He hasn’t been his happy, chattering self this morning, you know? He's on-call right now.”

“I can guess,” Eddie sighed. “It’s all my fault.”

“Recognizing your mistakes is the first step to make things better, kid,” Cap said with a smile. “Now go if you wanna have any breakfast. I made omelets, and I’m not sure Hen and Chim are that inclined to save you any.”

Omelet. One of Buck’s comfort food. “I’m not so sure I’m hungry.”

“You are going to eat, Diaz. Now go and get ready. Day’s just starting,” Cap ordered, gently pushing Eddie towards the station entrance.

Given the circumstances, it could very well be ending. Eddie wouldn’t complain.

*****

After forcing himself to wash down the last omelet available with a cup of bitter coffee, and tidying up the kitchen after their breakfast, Eddie checked if his cellphone had enough bars to become useful again.

Buck had not texted him about going back home; instead, he had invited Eddie for breakfast before their shift.

As if his morning couldn’t get any worse.

He texted Buck his apologies and ended with his usual _be safe, mi amor_ , then left his phone plugged to finish recharging.

The little check marks next to the message turned blue. Buck had seen it. Perhaps he would be back from the call any minute now. Eddie would apologize properly then.

He and Hen were organizing the supplies from the truck when the team Buck was working with got back to the station. He looked rumpled getting rid of his gear, soot smearing his face, tall and beautiful, the missing part that ached in that place where butterflies flapped their wings inside of Eddie.

Eddie managed a small smile and held his breath when Buck met his eyes and smiled back just for a second before heading further down the station for debriefing and to get himself cleaned. 

Hen cleared her throat with more amusement than reproach, but let Eddie be without further comments.

He was dividing his attention between the glassy walls of the locker room and the case he was filling up with rolled up gauze when Buck reemerged, hands shoved in his pockets, lips firmly closed in a fine line as if calculating whether it would be a good thing to approach Eddie and do whatever he thought was necessary to make or break Eddie. It would be Buck’s call; Eddie was just going to take the bad with whatever good Buck might think he deserved.

“Oh, for heaven sakes!” Eddie startled and almost let the bunch of gauze fall at Hen’s pained groan. “Buckaroo, come out here, get your boy and for the love of God, spare us of his misery.”

“Hey, I’m not-“

“Yes, you are, Diaz,” Hen cut him off, snatching the package from his hands. “Chim, get your ass down here, and help me with these supplies,” she ordered, then she moved her attention back to Buck. “Kiss, make up and please get rid of this dark cloud hovering over our miserable heads. This place feels like an Adam’s Family episode minus the humor since the two of you got here.”

“We’re not-“

“Yes, you are,” Chim agreed, patting him on the shoulder before taking over for him.

“Go!” Hen ordered again, not so gently pushing him towards Buck.

Eddie chanced a glance at his workmates nearby and, yep, he and Buck had become the center of entertainment at the station. They would never live this down. The only plus point of his public humiliation was that there was a small, shy smile breaking out in Buck’s lips.

He could do this, one step at a time until he got close to Buck, but keeping a safe distance, hands hidden in the depth of his pockets because if he got too close he wouldn’t hold himself responsible for his actions.

Buck opened and closed his lips in small movements, as if fishing for words, finding them, to just change his mind as he looked at Eddie.

He was about to give up and scurry to the bathroom until the next call when he heard a very timid and quite not so sure, “Hi, boyfriend.”

 _Boyfriend_.

The tight grip of fear squeezing his heart eased up a little notch, enough to let himself start to hope they would survive this.

“Hi, _mi novio_ ,” he breathed out softly in response, letting the reality of the two of them wash over him and give him back some of the peace he lost when Buck drove away the night before.

Together. They were still _together_.

Eddie was elated, confident they could make it, just a matter of time, patience and the willingness to work things out.

He also felt every eye in the garage burning holes in the back of his head, heard every rushed, whispered words and shushing sounds as his coworkers waited to see what would come next.

“Don’t you guys have anything productive to do?” Cap called up from above them. “We can start our gutter-cleaning rotation if the lot of you are bored.”

Like magic, their nosy fellow first responders got busy with less smelly things and left them alone.

Eddie looked up at the lounge ready to beg Bobby for five minutes, just five minutes with Buck.

Bobby was leaning on the guardrail surrounding the lounge smiling down at them. Then he winked at Eddie and walked away.

“You two, behave.”

“What was-“

“Come with me,” Eddie said sprawling his hand in the small of Buck’s back and escorting them to the bench in the locker room. They sat with their backs to the glass walls, which granted them at least a little semblance of privacy. 

There were so many things to say, Eddie didn’t know where to start.

“I’m so sorry, Buck, about everything,” he apologized again, hoping it was the right thing to say at the moment. “I, I missed you so much. _Miss_ you so much. I didn’t want you to leave.”

Buck nodded and lowered his eyes, his voice. “I didn’t want to leave, Eddie, but I had to go. I couldn’t stay.” He blinked and in the glistening of his eyes died the smile he was trying to put together. “I asked you out for breakfast.”

“Battery died on me, _amor_. I was so distressed waiting for you to reach out, I forgot to charge my phone. Then I guess I fell asleep.”

“You actually slept?” Buck asked, chewing on the inside of his lower lip, a clear sign of distress Eddie learned about from the time they had been together. “Wow! It’s more than I got, Diaz.”

“I don’t think I rested, _amor_.” Eddie brushed uncertain fingertips to the warm, beloved skin of Buck’s brow, and breathed relieved when Buck leaned into his touch. “I was useless, Buck, sitting on the sofa, staring at the door, praying you would come back.”

“You didn’t go to bed?”

“I’m not going to that bed without you, Buck. Not under these circumstances.”

“You could have gone to the spare room.”

“Then I would have missed you if you came back. I was hoping you would come back,” he said softly.

“I couldn’t, Eddie.” From the tune of his voice to the soft breaths against Eddie’s cheek, Buck reflected all the sorrow that should belong to Eddie and no one else. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t.”

“I know, _mi amor_ , I understand. Please, stop apologizing,” Eddie said softly, lips to Buck’s eyelids, soothing the pain that was Eddie’s too. “I’m sorry I did this to you, to us. But I hurt, too. Your absence is more than I can bear, Buck. Please, _mi amor_.”

Eddie encircled Buck's waist with his arm, hocked his forefinger in his belt loop and pulled Buck closer to his side, his chin, lips, and nose resting against the curve of Buck's shoulder. For a while they didn't talk, just let the little sounds vibrating around them set the tune to their thoughts. They shouldn't be having this moment at work, but Eddie waited as much as he could. His brain was working overtime, had been since Buck left, going through every scenario he could think of that would secure his place in Buck’s life.

There they remained until the alarm blared and Cap came down the stairs shouting out orders. The sorrow was still part of Buck’s smile as he helped Eddie to his feet; holding onto his fingers, Eddie followed Buck outside.

“Minor office incident, jut medic assistance necessary. Hen, Chim, you’re on. Take Diaz with you.”

“You heard the man, lover boy,” Chim teased, wiggling his eyebrows on his way to the truck.

“I have to go,” Eddie said, bringing their entwined fingers to his lips.

“Yeah, go be a hero.”

Eddie smiled, kissed his fingers again. “Please, be here when I come back.”

Without waiting for an answer, Eddie jogged to catch up with Hen and Chim.

Hen was driving them through the busy streets of L.A while Chim complained about dumb office workers who did stupid office things and he couldn’t even laugh at them when Eddie felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

He smiled as he read the simple, familiar message.

 _Be safe, boyfriend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys wanted to talk, I let them talk and now I will need a couple of extra chapters to wrap things up.  
> Thank you so much for taking your time to read, send cuddles and leave a comment for this fic. You're guys are the best!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, but once again I thought it was a good place to stop. Still unbeta-ed, but I hope you guys enjoy it.

Buck was there when Eddie got back, for which Eddie was grateful. Life, however, happened, not giving them a chance to have any other moment alone since their brief exchange in the locker room.

In between calls, they worked twice together, and both times they added that extra bit of commitment to make it clear to their fellow first responders that despite breaking their own imposed protocol of not dealing with their issues inside the fire station, the ups and downs in their personal relationship would not affect their dedication to the job. They could still be an essential part of the nuts and bolts keeping their fine-tuned team running while in action.

It was during the after, when less brain, more brawn was required to care for the equipment and for the general maintenance of the department that Eddie ached with a disquietude that unsettled him without a life or death situation to keep him grounded.

Eddie tried to give Buck space, but there were no walls in their workplace, and everywhere he looked, Buck was there, sometimes talking, sometimes laughing, always helpful, because he was made of goodness, something Eddie had tainted and was evident in the way Buck’s shoulders hunched under the invisible burden of both a sleepless night and Eddie’s idiocy.

At least at work, he could try and make up to Buck, carry the heavy load of the job. He had jumped through hoops to allow Buck some rest, filling in for the heavier duties his boyfriend had been assigned to, after all, Eddie was the reason why he hadn’t gotten any rest the night before.

However, at his fourth _I got this_ , he drove Buck to such a particular state of annoyance, his boyfriend put his foot down and told Eddie to take a walk and _chill_. Out of pit or whatever, Cap, always the observant, played his part by assigning Buck to lunch duty while he had Eddie organize the material for the pre-school tour they would be hosting next week.

He welcomed the distraction when Hen and Chim joined him outside where he was dejectedly cutting multicolored, soft EVA foam sheets into shaped flames until lunchtime when he joined the others upstairs. There was a large cut of lasagna topped with extra tomato sauce _and_ extra cheese (just like Eddie liked it) marking his usual place at the table, right next to Buck.

If anybody noticed, nobody said anything, perhaps because with their unpredictable job, being able to sit down and enjoy a homemade meal was the privilege of a few. Or most likely because Cap’s earlier threat of gutter cleaning duty to idle souls still hovered in the air.

“Thanks, _mi novio_.”

Buck bumped his shoulder and passed him the bowl of salad. He must have lost track of time relishing in his happy, warm feeling of having Buck smile at him, because at the head of the table, Bobby cleared his throat and pointed to the salad Eddie was keeping hostage.

He was back to his pre-school assignment when the alarm blared announcing another minor domestic accident minutes before it was time for Buck to clock off.

“Be careful out there,” Cap said, after sharing the details of what they were about to face. “Buck, wrap up what you’re doing and go home.”

“Be safe,” Buck reminded Eddie, softly squeezing his fingers on his way back to the station.

Eddie tightened his grip just for a second, just long enough to smile and flutter his thumb on the back of Buck’s hand before joining the others in the truck. He didn’t ask Buck to wait for him. They would see each other again in a couple of hours.

Or so Eddie thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be about their very much necessary conversation, but Eddie insisted on being cute and I had to let him. I promise they will talk in the next chapter.  
> Thanks for the comments and for the kudos - you guys are the best!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally have their conversation. All mistakes are still mine, but I hope it makes enough sense for you guys to enjoy it.

When they got back to the station, the jeep wasn’t there anymore.

Eddie took himself to a quiet corner where hopefully he would spend the final minutes of his shift in peace to finally appreciate the bunch of pictures Buck had forwarded earlier.

The Eddie who had seen vain, self-centered Buck wielding a selfie stick shortly after they met would never have believed that cock, arrogant man to be the same who had taken these pictures.

There was Christopher with Abuela, with aunt Pepa, with Maddie, one or two with Buck himself. In all of them, from each angle, each trick of light Eddie could almost hear his kid’s happiness, his delighted giggles in the way Buck had made Christopher the focus of his lenses, the reason why those pictures existed.

The love Buck had for his son gave purpose to the pictures, freezing in pixels moments Eddie hadn’t been there to share, something Eddie would never be able to pay him back for. Show his appreciation, that Eddie could do.

_Thank you for being there for him._

Buck visualized but did not reply.

*****

Eddie made it to the event with a little more than sixty minutes to have Chris play the perfect, enthusiastic host walking Eddie through the exhibits while Abuela and aunt Pepa waited for them sipping lemonade in the shade.

Buck and Maddie were already gone, and Eddie was sure now Buck was ignoring his messages, four now, including the ones to let Buck know Eddie was on his way and the one Eddie tried to make plans for dinner. Both went unanswered and Eddie had no clue why. After the day they had spent at work Eddie had hoped they were on the right path to make amends.

Storyboards like Christopher’s, live performances of handmade puppet theaters from the older kids and the variety of projects displayed around all blended together in Eddie’s confused head that played on repeat in Eddie’s strangled voice _we are okay, we are okay_.

Well, they were not, and every time Eddie thought Christopher had shown him everything, there was another corner to turn, another classroom to get into, another teacher to shake hands with and share with him how well his son was doing at school. The proud dad in him basked in the light of every and each of Christopher’s accomplishments; the anxious lover was going crazy without knowing what the hell had gone wrong between the last call at work and the moment he texted Buck his thanks.

The next message he got wasn't from Buck but Maddie.

 _Meet my brother in the cafe across from the school in five_.

Five, okay, five. He could work with five. Enough time to carry Christopher and his project to his aunt's car, let his Abuela bless him and kiss them goodbye after promising his son he would call later to say goodnight.

Buck and Maddie were sitting at the back of the café, and a succession of somethings, like Maddie covering Buck’s hand with hers as she looked at Buck, and Buck looked at the cup of coffee resting in front of him, the way their shoulders touched while Maddie talked and Buck listened.

The way Buck wiped at the corner of his eyes, turning his gaze to the street outside the window, and the message burning in Maddie’s as hers met Eddie’s before Buck noticed him.

Growing up as the little brother of a pair of strong-willed, overprotective Latin sisters, Eddie had been in the receiving end of a similar stare, as well as protected by it when a poor soul hurt him through the years.

Maddie stood up and placed a soft kiss on Buck’s hair before leaving their table. As she crossed paths with Eddie on her way out, she surprised him with a hand on his elbow and a smile that carried a mix of fondness and exasperation with a hint of _you’re dead if you don’t make it right_.

“Talk some sense into him, will you?”

“How bad is it?”

“You’re lucky I like you and you got an adorable kid kind of bad,” she said, squeezing his elbow. “Fix it,” Then she was out the door and Eddie was left with so many loose ends to patch in a relationship that less than twenty-four hours ago had been perfect.

Eddie ordered two cups of coffee before sitting across from Buck, waiting in silence like forever for a clue on how to proceed from there.

“I was pretty young when I met Abby,” Buck finally said, wrapping his hands around the cup of coffee Eddie had placed before him. “I mean, younger since it was, what, little less than four years ago.” He smiled sadly. “Many guys at twenty-five, twenty-six already had their lives figured out by then, were doing big, meaningful things, fighting wars, while Evan Buckley was having his first meaningful kiss, his first meaningful, adult relationship.”

“Buck…”

“Please, Eddie. Let me just finish. Please. Promise me you gonna listen in silence, please. I, I won’t know how to do this otherwise.”

Fighting against every instinct he had, Eddie nodded. He would let Buck say his piece and then he would fix it, no matter the cost or what he had to do. He would fix this.

“Being with her, with Abby, opened my eyes to so many amazing, beautiful things because she was an amazing, beautiful person,” Buck said, again lost in the depths of the coffee before him, in the depths of the memory of a woman Eddie envied and feared and was thankful for because without her his Buck wouldn’t exist. And Buck was _his_.

“To this day I don’t know what the hell she saw in me, but I’m glad she did. I loved her. God, how I loved her. But I guess you already know that.”

“Yeah, I, I know she was important to you,” Eddie acknowledged using the past tense because her story with Buck was a thing of the past. Eddie didn’t bother to not pretend how jealous he was of her for shaping Buck into the man he loved with everything in him. “I saw how lost and hurt you were without her. Even in her absence, you were so proud of calling her your girlfriend.”

"Yeah." Buck smiled with the kind of fondness that Eddie accepted would always belong to Abby, but he didn't have to like it. "I had other flings, other girlfriends, after her, but she was my _it_ , Eddie.”

"Why, why are you telling me this?" Eddie cut him off, breaking his promise of listening in silence because he wasn't just going to sit down and listen to Buck talk about perfect, adorable Abby.

Buck smiled, the first genuine smile since this hell started. “Are you jealous?”

“What do you think?”

Buck surprised Eddie by reaching out and entwining his fingers with Eddie’s, who didn’t miss a beat to hold on to the calloused fingers in a tight grip. “You don’t have to. Abby is in my past, Eddie. A beautiful memory, a beautiful part of my past, but that’s all.” Buck lowered his eyes to their hands. “You, on the other hand, is the Mitchell to my Thomas, Eddie. Do you remember them?”

Eddie smiled, the warmth of his love for the man making circles with his thumbs on Eddie’s knuckles spreading hot and red inside of him, watering his eyes. “Of course, I remember, _cariño_ ,” he said, bringing their hands to his lips, kissing the inside of Buck’s wrists. “You’re my everything, _mi amor_. I love you so much. I want to have with you what they had, _vida_. Please, don’t you ever doubt how important you are to me.”

“Mitchell was Thomas’ something good, Eddie. You and Chris are mine,” Buck confessed, a tear rolling down his face.

“ _Cariño_ , we don’t have to have this conversation here. Come home with me. Christopher is spending the night with Abuela. We can talk at home. Please.”

“No, Eddie, I…” Buck took a deep breath and sniffed back some more tears. “Why did you thank me? 

“Thank you?”

“Yeah, earlier, when I sent you the pictures?”

The hint of desperation in Buck’s voice made Eddie pause. Something was amiss, something Eddie wasn’t getting, couldn’t understand and that was too important to Buck for Eddie to mess up.

“What do you mean, Buck?” he asked softly, eyes locked with Buck.

“What I mean? It’s a straight question, Eddie. Give me an honest answer, and not something you might think I want to hear.”

"I," Eddie took a deep breath, measured his words because he had a feeling his relationship with Buck might never be the same again if he gave him the wrong answer. And that was the problem. The way Buck was acting, Eddie was already in the wrong about the only thing he thought he had gotten right since they started their relationship – how much Buck loved his son.

“I’m grateful you love my son the way you do, Buck.” Buck’s hands went rigid in Eddie’s, and he tried to pull them away, but Eddie wouldn’t let go. “I mean, I was a dick yesterday. I should have handled things differently, Buck, but if it is so important for you to pay for his trip, go ahead and do it. I-“

This time Buck pulled his hands with so much strength, Eddie had to let go of them. Buck looked away, not trying to keep his tears at bay anymore. “I was right.” His lips trembled as he talked, tears falling faster than his hands could wipe them. “That damn lawsuit.”

“The lawsuit? What does the lawsuit have to do with it?” Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice under control. “Buck, we talked about it. I forgave you, it’s behind us.”

“it’s not,” Buck hissed, his eyes shining with the tears falling freely from his eyes and strangling his voice. “You forgave the coworker, the friend, but not the boyfriend, never the boyfriend.”

“We weren’t together then, Buck.”

“I know, and I was already so in love with you, I was glad you took me back as your friend. And I was okay with it, Eddie, I was okay even after we became more. Until last night, when you not so subtly put me back in my place.”

Every word, every time Buck had to breathe back the snort on the verge of falling from his nostrils was stab piercing Eddie where it hurt the most.

“Amor, I’m sorry. I love you so much I trust you with what I have as the most precious in my life. I trust you with my son, Buck.”

“No. You trust the friend, the coworker, but not the man you say you love. Not with my money anyway.”

“Cariño…”

“No, stop! You don’t get to call me this when you won’t trust me with what is really important to you.” Buck was openly crying now, and Eddie was too stunned and desperate to do something, anything to stop his pain. “I’m not letting another person I love close another door on my face, Eddie. I won’t let you close the door on my face, because if you do I…"

Buck never finished what he was saying, He just up and left with heavy steps and the eyes of the people in the café following him out the door.

It was a weird thing to have so many pairs of strangers’ eyes on him, on them. In the air, Eddie sensed the kind of expectation he wasn't used to dealing with, that he couldn’t control. Buck was his own person; Eddie couldn’t make him stay.

But he was damned If he would let Buck close any door on his face without knocking it down.

He threw a twenty at the table and all but run after Buck.

Buck was nowhere to be seen on the street. He fished for his cellphone and called Maddie.

“Eddie…”

“Where are you parked?” he barked, looking everywhere up and down the street.

“Two streets down the school. What-”

“Is Buck with you?”

“No, but I think I see him coming. What-“

“Don’t let him get into the car. And don’t go anywhere. I’m coming.”

Eddie sprinted down the street like there was no tomorrow. It was worth it when he turned a corner to find Buck slumped against the door to his jeep, shoulders and head shaking as Maddie tried to make him look at her.

“Buck!”

Buck was startled to find Eddie running towards them. Maddie looked relieved as she stepped aside to let Eddie stop right in front of her brother.

“If you think I’m gonna let you close any damn door on my face, you don’t know me at all.” He pinned Buck against the door with both hands against his shoulder, his fingers digging into the fabric of Buck’s jacket. “I will knock each and every one of them down and I’ll be waiting for you on the other side until you understand that you are stuck with me. I’m never, ever letting you go.” And, without giving Buck time to say anything, Eddie cupped his face and crashed their lips together.

As he pressed Buck further against the door, Eddie turned his pain, his fear, and anger into a desperate plea for Buck to give him a chance.

Eddie was trying to devour him, to consume Buck and dig deeper with his lips, his tongue trying to reach depths and tattoo Buck as his, to get lost inside of Buck the same way he did when they made love. Eddie was a possessive bastard, never sharing or letting go of the people he loved in any capacity, part of his control-freak self.

And Buck, Buck was the whole package, Eddie’s definition of happiness in a future where they raised Christopher together, grew old together, had their happily ever after together.

He lost track of how long he pressed and renewed his claim of Buck with his lips, teeth, and tongue, with every breath he took from Buck and gave back to him until he had to let go for their need of air.

“I love you so much, mi amor,” Eddie whispered against his lips. “Please, tell me what I have to do to make you believe me.”

This time it was Buck kissing him before resting his wet face on the crock of Eddie’s neck. “I don’t want you to give me money when I take him to places, or to thank me just for loving him, Eddie, it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, love. I just didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”

“Eddie, we are in a relationship. You don’t get to pay me when I’m out with him.”

“Are we?” Eddie asked, gently lifting Buck’s head from his shoulder so he could look at him.

“Are we what?”

“In a relationship? Because I’m pretty sure you tried to dump my dumb ass at the café.”

Buck laughed a tearing kiss against his lips. “I sure tried, but you are too damn stubborn to take the hint.”

Eddie smiled softly and kissed him again. “I just love you too damn much to let you go.”

“I know. I love you too.”

They kissed again and Eddie finally let go of the tension weighing his body down since Buck drove away from him. “I just didn’t want to burden you, Buck. Not with Christopher,” he rushed to add when Buck tried to put some distance between then again. “But with everything else.”

“It won’t burden me if it‘s part of you, Eddie. This is also part of being in a relationship.”

“I know, amor. It’s just that, last time I tried to share the burden, my wife walked out on me and our son.”

“And the last time someone tried to protect me, I ended up alone.” Buck lowered his eyes. “I guess we’re working in increments to have you fully trust me with something so precious.”

“It’s not about the lawsuit or not trusting you.” Buck snorted. “It’s not,” Eddie insisted, kissing Buck one more time. “I trust you as my friend, as my coworker and especially as the man I love."

“You’re not just stubborn, Diaz. You’re blind, too.”

They kissed. God, he could kiss Buck forever and it would not be enough, never enough. “So, no more money when you go out with Chris, and no talk of paying you back for the trip, I guess.”

“You wouldn’t Eddie!”

"Not anymore," he confessed and kissed Buck before he could say anything. "it will be hard, but I won't, okay?

“Good, because his piggy bank at my place is almost overflowing.”

"You got him a piggy bank?"

“Try not to make a big deal out of it.”

Eddie understood Buck, he knew Buck was right. He nodded and sealed his agreement with another kiss they had to break when Buck’s phone chirped.

"Hey," he said breathlessly. "No, we, we are fine." He smiled at Eddie. "Yeah, you can come back, and no, you don't need to murder him. Okay, see you soon."

“Maddie? Jesus, I was so caught up with all this drama I didn’t even notice she was gone.”

“She’s coming back now,” he said, lowering his forehead to Eddie’s shoulder.

“All right.” Eddie pulled Buck back into his arms. He needed the proximity to remind him they were still together. “Should we call her an Uber, or you will be fine with her driving your car back to her place?”

Buck held his gaze for a moment, but then lowered his head back to Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ll drive her back home, Eddie.”

“Okay, all right. I’ll drive back home and wait for you there, then. I will get something ready for dinner. Would chili be okay? I don’t think I can do much more than this.”

“Eddie,” Buck sighed, and this time he put some distance between them. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go back to your house.”

“You what?” He wouldn’t let panic take over. They were fine. “Why not? If you're worried we would have to talk more or have sex… Buck, it would be your call, but to tell you the truth, I just want to sleep."

“Eddie, some space will be good for us for the time being.”

“For the time being? Buck, you essentially live with us. I’m surprised you still have clothes in your apartment.”

Buck smiled, but there was some kind of longing in his eyes Eddie wasn’t so sure he was okay about. “It was a bitch getting dressed today, you’re right. But you still have lots to figure out, Eddie. You need this more than I do.”

All right, he wasn't okay about it. “What I need is to know that we are on the same page, Buck. I’m not sure you really forgive me for the things I said.”

“I know you regret what happened, Eddie, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened in the first place.”

“it’s getting old, Buck. I trust you.”

“So, trust me on this,” he said, kissing Eddie. “We need this, Eddie. I have to relearn how to function by myself again.”

“I’m not her, Buck.” It hurt to have Buck comparing him to the person who pulled him apart, pound by pound, with her absence. “I could never leave you.”

“So don’t.” Buck stood up to his full height and crossed his arms around the back of Eddie’s neck, forehead touching forehead. “Take me out to dinner sometime this week, just the two of us. We can talk some more.”

“What about Christopher? What do I tell him?”

“Bring him for lunch tomorrow. We can talk to him then.”

“I’m not going to make you change your mind, am I?” Buck just shook his head and lowered it back to Eddie’s shoulder. “Okay, we do it your way, but I don’t like it.”

“Thanks, love.”

They held onto each other until Maddie finally reached them, overjoyed because they made up and mad as hell for having her café experience forever ruined with the way the staff was now looking funny at her.

“The two of your better find me another place with coffee just that good or I’ll sic Chim on the two of you. He loved that place.”

She rounded the car to take the driver’s seat, giving them time and privacy for a final goodbye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch,” Buck said, once inside the car. “And you’ve earned the right to sleep back in your bed, Diaz.”

“Not without you in it,” Eddie said, leaning in for a final kiss.

Maddie slapped Eddie on the forehead, away from her brother. “Stop mauling my brother. It’s disgusting.”

“You’d better get used to it. He’s my forever.”

Maddie rolled her eyes but grinned back at Eddie. “And he’s my baby brother. You watch out, Diaz.”

Eddie got the message, loud and clear. “Drive safe. Precious cargo with you.”

“Can we go now or the two of you are not done with embarrassing me?”

Eddie watched until he no longer could see their car, keeping guard from afar for as long as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking this long. I'm back to work, and it leaves me very little time to write and update. But I really hope this chapter made a little bit more sense of things.  
> Thanks for reading, for the kudos, and for the feedback. I promise I'll reply to each of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter. It took longer than I had planned because Christopher decided he had something to say about the whole thing. The final result: I will have to add another thing to their story. Hope you all have the patience to bear with me for a little longer.

Things with Christopher didn’t go well the next morning. At all.

It started with his son’s smile going from beaming to non-existent in the spam of the few seconds it took him to notice Buck wasn’t with Eddie to pick him up from Abuela’s after Sunday morning mass.

“Where’s Buck?”

“At home, waiting for us. Are you ready to go, little man? And where’s my kiss and hug? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“You saw me yesterday!”

“Too long without my little man.”

The healing power behind Chris’ giggles and hugs made it easier for Eddie to hold onto the knowledge that he hadn’t lied to his son, at least not in his mind. He and Buck were still together, Buck was waiting for them, only not at what Chris believed was home. And judging the way Eddie could barely sleep in his house last night without his boys in it with him, things would only get worse once Chris understood what was going on.

He kissed his son’s hair and gently patted him on his bottom to get him moving. “Need help to get your things?”

“No, abuelita helped me. Just need the bathroom. My bag is on the sofa.”

It wasn’t uncommon for Eddie to show up alone at Abuela’s, but not on the rare weekends he and Buck had off together. Something must have given on his face because next, it was Abuela turning his face to look at her.

“Que se pasa, Eddito?”

“Nada, abulelita. Esta todo bien.”

Eddie kissed her cheek and stepped around her to check his son’s bag and make Chris had packed everything. Also, to not give abuela the chance to see how full of bullshit he was that morning.

“Tienes certeza?”

“Si. No te preocupes.”

Don’t worry yourself, the last thing you should say to the person who used to change your diapers, kiss your boo-boos better and stuff you full of your favorite foods when you were a kid, and that now could see just how much Eddie was struggling to look happy and fool his own kid into believing everything was the same in their lives.

“Well, so I’ll be expecting the three of you sometime this week for dinner.”

Even though the two women weren’t related by birth, abuela sounded so much like his mom, Eddie hoped by the time they had to come back to her house, Buck would already be back to the home he belonged to.

*****

“This is not the way to our house,” Chris stated, interrupting his tale about the scarves he and abuela were knitting together.

“We’re going to Buck’s.”

“But you said we were going home. Did you lie to me, dad?”

Chris sounded betrayed and Eddie could not fault him for it. He used the excuse of having to pay attention to the road to not look at his son sitting beside him.

“No, I didn’t. Buck has a home too. His own home. You know that.”

“He has an apartment. His home is with us.”

Eddie bowed to his son’s wisdom.

“I know, little man. Believe me, I know.”

Chris didn’t finish the tale and Eddie didn’t force him to. Reminding his son that Buck had a home away from them left the kind of bitter taste in his tongue that went as far as his stomach and messed with everything inside of him, proof of how much Eddie had screwed with his and his son’s perception of security in their lives as a family with Buck.

Eddie parked and helped Chris out of the car before texting Buck they had arrived and to brace himself because Chris would be full of questions.

Buck had barely opened the door, and Chris was already launching himself at him, giving Buck the hug Eddie had to ask for at abuela’s.

“Why aren’t you at home?” Christopher demanded with his face buried in Buck’s shirt as soon as the door to the apartment was closed and locked.

Buck looked at Eddie, deer eyes and all asking for guidance, for what would be the right thing to say. Eddie didn’t know, he wasn’t prepared for this, not with Buck. When Shannon left him, Christopher had been too young to understand his parents had been living in their house like two strangers sharing the same space. With Buck it was different. Buck was the one who helped Chris understand, and Eddie to remember, what the warmth and love a real home had to provide to feel solid and reliable was like.

If Buck didn’t know what to say, what to do, how could Eddie?

“Hey,” Buck said softly but with purpose, kneeling to look directly at Christopher. “This is home too, remember? You, your dad and I used to hang out here all the time.”

“Yeah, mi hijo,” Eddie agreed. “We used to even spend the night here with him at game nights, don't you remember?”

“I know, but his games are at home now. You should be at home, too, Buck. Unless… Did you and dad break up?”

From the arms around Buck to the glassy hazel of his eyes, everything in Christopher became panic-striken, the aftermath of a nightmare that wouldn’t let go, even with Buck’s and now Eddie’s arms around him, drawing him and Buck into his embrace, the safest place Eddie could offer him, offer them. 

He and Buck started talking at the same time, a jumble of words of reassurance that made sense in their heads, the protagonists of this situation, but maybe not so much for a ten-year-old kid that had to live part of his childhood without the mom who loved him dearly but had to leave him to find herself.

“I promise, mi amor, Buck and I are together. We wouldn’t lie to you about something this important.”

“Your dad is right, little buddy,” Buck said, wiping Chris’ tears with the palm of his hands while Chris did the same for Buck with his thumbs. “I’m still here. What would I do without you and your dad, without my family, in my life?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Chris hiccupped between his sobs. “Families stick together. Tell him, dad. Please, ask him to come back home.”

“Mi hijo-“

“Is it because you had to go to my school? You didn’t like my project? You don’t have to go back to my school if you didn’t like it.”

Stomach dropping to his feet. That was the weight of his son’s disquietude mixed with Eddie’s surprise and desperation reverberating in his own ribcage, leaving him at a loss for words.

Dios, how could Christopher, his sweet, pure kid believe their predicament was his fault?

“Christopher – “

“It started after parents’ night. You weren’t home when I woke up, you didn’t go with dad to abuela’s…”

“Baby – “

“It was something I did, wasn’t it?”

“No, Christopher!” Buck sat on the floor with Christopher in his lap, hands holding their kid’s face up with a smile that spoke of love. “I love going to every and any school event you invite me to. If you just knew how proud I am of your accomplishments, of witnessing you conquering the world,” Buck said with the vehemence of a father whose own worth in life rested in whether his kid would believe in his love for them or not. “I love you so much, kid.”

Christopher sighed, his relief evident in the way he smiled and lowered his head back to Buck’s shoulder.

“I love you too, Buck. I’m sorry.”

“No, superman. I am sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn’t enjoy spending time with you. I promise on my own life it will never happen again.”

“So, come back home. Please.”

“Mi amor-“

From over his son’s head, Buck made a silent plea to Eddie, to let him deal with Christopher by himself. Eddie understood it was his moment, too, that they should deal with it together as the family they had become. But he also knew he owed it to Buck and his son a chance to clear the air without his presence. Yesterday he swore to Buck he trusted him with what he had of most precious in life. Today was his chance to prove to the man he loved he wasn’t bluffing.

“You know what?” he asked, his voice a little strained by the tears he refused to shed right now, in front of them; he had to bear their pain. He couldn’t do it for Shannon, but he was adamant if he was going to let it happen again to Buck. “I have in good authority Buck was counting on you to help him make lunch. So why don’t I run to the grocery store and get us some ice cream and the fixings for some homemade brownie? We can have it for dessert.”

“What do you say, my little superman? Ready to be my assistant and for some brownie for dessert?”

“Can dad help with dessert?” His son’s question came up laced with tears against Buck’s shirt.

“If you help me keep an eye on him, I don’t see why not.”

“Hey!”

Christopher smiled at Eddie, and he felt the world slowing down to its normal pace.

“What are we making, Buck?”

“Mac and cheese dog casserole.”

“I love hot dog mac and cheese. It’s one of my favorites, but dad doesn’t like it so much.”

“Your dad can deal, or he can just eat his salad.”

“And go to bed without dessert,” Christopher giggled.

Eddie patted his pockets to make sure he had his wallet and mobile with him. “My own son ganging up on me with my boyfriend. Just precious.”

Eddie welcomed the unexpected surprise of his son turning in Buck’s arms to hug him around the neck.

“Love you, dad.”

“Love you too, son,” he replied, kissing the top of his son’s head.

*****

The nearest grocery store would take a good ten-minute walk from Buck’s. Lost in thoughts and feelings, Eddie made it in twenty at the same slow pace he would have kept if Christopher had come with him.

He didn’t mind. He needed this alone time, and so did his boys. There were things only Buck could say to his son, and it wasn’t Eddie’s place to be there and be part of it. He wished he could, but right now the best he could do would be to select and pay for what they needed for dessert and then go back at the same slow pace. If Buck or Christopher needed him, they would text or call.

Eddie almost yearned for his mobile to ring. However, he couldn’t be so selfish and self-centered. The conversation taking place at Buck’s wasn’t about him, and he had to be all right about it, accept that he couldn’t make some things right, even though he had been the one to unbalance the nature of their situation.

At Buck’s, Christopher helped him put away the groceries and set the table. And if the conversation during their meal didn’t flow with the same easiness, at least no one cried, and they could enjoy Buck’s efforts in peace.

Chris fell asleep on the sofa while Buck and Eddie cleaned the kitchen and put away the leftovers Eddie was taking back to his place, but he suspected they would be staying for dinner. Despite the lighter mood, Chris wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Buck yet, and it was clear Buck wasn’t ready to go back home with them just yet.

“You think we could talk some more?” Buck asked when the kitchen was as clean as it would get before they got started on the brownies.

“Sure, mi amor.”

With Christopher sprawled on the sofa, they had very limited places to go, and Eddie was too tired to sit at the table or one of the stools around the kitchen island to have the kind of conversation he suspected they were about to have.

One look at Buck and Eddie could see he came to the same conclusion.

“We could go upstairs. I’m too tired to attempt at your innocence.”

Eddie laughed and accepted the hand Buck was offering. “You would be about twenty years too late for that but lead the way.”

“Twenty?”

“More like seventeen if you don’t count the experimenting.”

Buck smiled and winked at him before pulling him up the stairs. “You can tell me about it some other time.”

“Whatever you want, mi novio.” 

The bed was made, duvet stretched to perfection in its four corners, and it would have looked more inviting, more pleasant under different circumstances.

They took off their shoes, and from there it was muscle memory: Eddie lying on his back first, Buck joining him a heartbeat later, half lying atop of Eddie with his head on Eddie’s shoulder, his arm resting on Eddie’s waist, and Eddie kissing his forehead as he waited.

“You ruined this bed for me,” Buck finally said.

Eddie ruffled a laugh. “Should I feel sorry?”

Buck was drawing circles on his chest. “Not really. I just miss you, boyfriend.”

“See why I’ll sleep on the sofa until you come back? I mean, you will come back home, won’t you?”

Buck sighed and rolled onto his back, his head still on Eddie’s shoulder, the rest of him angled away from Eddie. “You and Christopher talk as if we were living together.”

"Weren't we?" Eddie challenged him, forcing a stretched arm under Buck's shoulder to pull him closer. "When was the last time you spent a whole week here in your apartment?"

Buck squinted his eyes at the ceiling while Eddie waited for an honest answer with the patience of a saint who knew good things would come to those who believed and waited.

“I don’t remember,” Buck admitted, frustrated. “Happy, Diaz?”

“No, mi amor, I’m not,” Eddie said, placing another kiss on Buck’s hair. “I’d like you to come home with us, live with us for real.”

For a few minutes, Buck said nothing. He just breathed and stared up at the ceiling. Then he rolled back into his original position and brought Eddie's lips to his, a quiet, sweet kiss very different from the claiming, reassuring ones they had exchanged yesterday. This kiss spoke of love and longing, of hope.

Once the kiss was broken, Buck entwined his fingers with Eddies, placing their hands on Eddie’s stomach, the heaviness of their hands shaping into a safe harbor for Eddie every time he breathed, filling him with contentment and a new sense of peace. 

“When I rented this place, it came with a key that wouldn’t fit any of the doors inside the apartment,” Buck said after a while, cutting through the haze that was leading Eddie towards sleep. “I thought my landlord had given me it by mistake, so I tried to return it to her.”

‘What’d she say?” Eddie half mumbled, wanting to sleep but happy for being in bed with Buck, and sharing a story that belonged to Buck, and just for that was precious to Eddie.

“Turns out that the basement holds a private storage unit for each apartment. Nothing huge, you know, Just the size of a linen closet.”

“So, large enough to hide a body.”

Buck laughed and pecked him on the lips again. “I don’t know about the others, but mine is body free.”

“And what have you got in there, mi novio?”

“Cardboard boxes.”

“Cardboard boxes? From when you moved in?”

“No, for when I move out, Eddie. For when it feels right to live with you and Christopher for real.”

Right now, in that bed, there was nothing more real, more settling than what Buck had just told him. Nothing more real than Eddie using his army training, all the muscles he had developed with heavy training, with all the love he felt for Buck to revert their positions and pin Buck to the bed, claim the place he had earned, clothed or not, between the ‘v’ of Buck’s legs. And kiss Buck, kiss Buck because if it weren’t a promise, Eddie would do everything he could to put those cardboard boxes to good use, to fulfill the purpose of their existence.

*****

They fell asleep somewhere between kissing and making plans for when they were ready, and now Eddie was playing big spoon with one arm stretched under Buck’s pillow and the other held in a loose grip against his boyfriend’s stomach.

But it wasn’t Buck’s soft snore that woke Eddie up.

“Dad? Buck? Where are you?”

Christopher.

“We’re up here, little man. I guess we needed a nap, too.”

“Oh.” Eddie heard his clutches as he moved towards the stairs. “Can I come up? I need the bathroom.”

“Of course. Leave your clutches down there and use the banister to come up here.”

“Okay, dad.”

Buck stirred and moved back a little, seeking the warmth coming from Eddie's body before turning into his arms and smile awake, part of the little rituals that made him miss Buck during bedtime.

“Everything okay?”

“He just needs the bathroom.”

“Okay,” he said, making himself small to borrow further into Eddie’s space. “What time is it?”

Eddie brought Buck’s arm up into his face to check his watch. “Little after four.”

Christopher reached the top of the stairs and stared at the bed with the same wonder and happiness of the kid he was on Christmas morning: no longer believing in Santa but ecstatic all the same because of the presents he got.

“Two steps ahead, little man.”

Christopher didn’t stop until he reached the foot of the bed.

“You are really together,” he said in wonderment.

"Of course we are. We told you so," Buck said, smiling at him. "Why don't you use the bathroom and then join us here?”

“You promised me brownies with ice cream.”

“You will get them, but we have to talk to you a little first, mi hijo.”

Chris frowned but made his way to the bathroom before crawling his way between the two of them in bed.

“What did you want to tell me?”

Buck looked at Eddie, asking for a permission Eddie granted with an awkward kiss on his lips, because Chris was sitting between them making yuk noises, and a smile because part of his role as a young, single father was to cause his son this kind of grief, get him ready for his teenagers years as witness to the love his parents shared.

“Do you really have to kiss all the time?"

Buck laughed. “Do you want us together or not?”

So much drama behind a giggle. “Okay.”

They talked and explained to Chris that yes, they were together and would be together because they loved each other, but no, Buck wasn’t coming back just yet. He would, but Chris had to be patient while they figured some adult stuff together. Yes, Buck still loved Chris, would forever love Chris, and they would still spend time together, be it with Eddie or not. Yes, Christopher would have permission to voice his opinion, but no, he wouldn’t be allowed to bully Buck into coming back with tears and stuff.

They had brownies and ice cream for dinner, a small treat Eddie believed his son deserved after such an emotional day.

When it was time to go home, Buck had to carry a sniffling Christopher to the car while Eddie carried his clutches and leftovers Buck had packed for them.

After lots of kisses and I love you’s, they finally managed to set Christopher in the passenger seat. Then it was Eddie’s turn to hold onto Buck, and exchange kisses and love you’s of their own with zero desire of letting go.

The lawsuit and money hadn’t come up, but Eddie knew it lingered as one of the reasons Buck, contrary to everything Eddie believed and felt, didn’t think they were ready to move in together.

“I’ll figure it out, mi amor. The money thing, the lawsuit thing…”

“Your stubbornness thing.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, that too. I promise.”

“I know you will, boyfriend. I have faith in you.”

They smiled at each other and Eddie kissed him again before joining Christopher in the truck.

"Thank you for not giving up on me, on _us_ , mi amor.”

“I love you enough not to.”

Eddie smiled and drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking your time to read my little story. And thanks yet again for the kudos and comments. You guys are the best!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there -  
> Another chapter that got too long and I had to break it into two parts. Like usual, it's unbeta-ed, but I hope it makes sense and that you enjoy it.

Little over a week ago, when this hell started, Eddie would have said he was just a widower with a (brief but successful) military career, a failed marriage, a son who was the light of his life, a mortgage to his name, and a relationship that, if not perfect, didn’t lack the love to make it better in a near future.

Today Eddie could say that that future had not been anywhere near enough to have Buck back home by the time dinner at abuela’s came and went. Instead, Eddie and Buck had met Chris at abuela’s for a spread made of good food, laughter, tender moments and abuela’s knowing smiles captured on camera, renewing Eddie’s faith in their love and in the power of perception the Diaz Matriarch had been gifted with.

And oh, man, what a perception that was! Eddie never had to disclose the nature of his relationship with Buck to the irritatingly observant, lovely Señora Isabel. She had seen his boyfriend around, of course, given that before their first kiss, Buck had already become an extension of Eddie and Chris, standing too close at dinner parties at Eddie’s or at Chris’ school events, the person Christopher would go to if Eddie was not around. Once they got comfortable in their relationship, Buck started tagging along in their visits with her at abuela’s demanding, _trae tu chico, Eddito_. When Eddie didn’t, she would greet him with a _¿dónde está tu chico, Eddito?_ Chris (and Eddie too, he could admit) would make him present in their conversation through the telling tales of their daily lives. At some point, leftovers stopped being packed for two households, and _chico_ had become a synonym to _novio_. No questions asked, and that was the end of it.

Reasons, why Eddie felt like a cheater when Chris hid his face on Buck’s belly as Buck relucted to accept the pile of Tupperware abuela was, like usual, handing them when they were heading back home.

Only they weren’t because it had been almost two weeks and Buck had shown no signs of wavering about his decision to stay in his apartment for the time being, much to Christopher’s discontentment and to Eddie’s silent frustration.

Their situation was no less hard for Buck. He was too true, too honest with his words, his actions, in his _bones_ and in the way he loved to conceal the hurt that took over every time he had to give Chris a final hug or give Eddie a final kiss and go back to his empty apartment. Furthermore, unfortunately, he was too stubborn for his own good and for Eddie's sanity to admit his home was with Eddie and Christopher.

Through all this, it killed Eddie to see Chris acting like a champ when they were with Buck, only to whimper softly at the end of phone calls or when they kissed Buck goodbye after seeing him.

“We have to give him time, m’hijo,” Eddie would say when Christopher climbed into the bed in the guest room with him in need of reassurance.

“But he will come back, right?” he would ask against the damp spot on Eddié’s shirt.

“Of course he will. You said so yourself, my little wise man.”

“What did I say?”

“You said, and I quote, Buck has an apartment, but his home is here.”

“With us,” Christopher would say sleepy, to which Eddie would reply with a kiss to his son’s hair, “yeah, with us.”

Buck could say whatever the hell he needed to keep himself in a state of denial about their living arrangements and stuff, but Eddie and Christopher could be as stubborn just on principle.

Hell, from the small multi-colored flowerbed Chris and Buck had put together in the front yard – and that they had expressly banned Eddie from touching, _ever_ – to the fenced backyard with the polished deck and brick barbecue pit Buck had helped Eddie man like a pro when they had hosted a get together with their 118 family just last month, every corner in Eddie’s small, modest house bore a trace, a gentle and meaningful touch of Buck in it.

Little gems Eddie and Christopher relied on as they waited for Buck to make up his mind and come back home.

*****

“You’re still yapping about Maddie going out with us? After all this time?” Hen asked amused. “You know Thena’ll be there, I’ll be there, my wife’ll be there…”

Eddie threw his comb back into his bag and zipped it up. The team was gathered in the locker room in different stages of readiness to go home, fighting the weariness caused by a shift filled with its fair share of brutal calls.

He checked his watch. They had to leave in five if they didn’t want to be late to pick up Christopher from school. The kid had been talking about movie night at Buck’s this whole week and would have a heart attack if he had to wait one minute longer than necessary.

“It’s not yapping when it’s coming from a concerned fiancé.” Chim chewed the ever-present gum in his mouth and straightened his jacket. “You married ladies are dangerous. I just can see the bunch of you giving her ideas and advice.”

“To not marry you?”

“Not nice, Diaz. And let’s not talk about other men ogling your table…”

“CAUSE IF YOU LIKE IT…”

In a movement that startled Eddie and many other first responders sharing the room with them, Buck jumped from the bench he had been sitting on fussing with his cell phone to start a hilarious redemption of Beyoncé, soon joined by Hen, both sandwiching and hip-checking Chim a la Single Ladies fashion to his annoyance.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT”

“IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU SHOULD’VE PUT A RING ON IT”

Soon other responsible firefighters inside and out were singing and dancing their part along with the noisy duo by clapping their hands, yielding deodorant cans and cell phones as microphones in a vocal jam session gone completely wrong.

Whoa uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh  
Whoa uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh

In the end, Chim kept his cool and recorded the whole thing up to its last line. Buck was red in the face, leaning heavily on Hen and laughing at Chim as their co-workers exploded in more laughter whereas others said their goodbyes and left when the show was over.

“Worry not, Chim. No harm will come to your lady. Remember I don’t like boys and I’ll keep them away from her." Hen sealed her promise with a red-stained kiss on Chim's cheek. “Goodbye, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Bag in hand, Chim tsked at Buck, “You fell back so many steps on the race to become my Best Man, Buckaroo.”

“Oh, man, come on. Without my consent, you wouldn't even need a best man."

“Your consent?” Chim snorted. “For real, Eddie, how do you put up with him?"

His selfless nature, his heart of gold, the love he had for his son… How could Eddie not?

“He’s a good lay.” Buck burst out laughing and Eddie winked at him.

“Okay, I’m done,” Chim said on his way out. “Time to go home and bleach my mind.”

“Tell Maddie I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Before or after I tell her you are a good lay?”

Buck threw Eddie's dirty rolled-up socks at him. "Jesus, Chim! Don’t…man… Sounds like…”

“Will do. See you tomorrow.”

“I don’t think he got what it sounded like,” Eddie said, putting his socks in the side pocket of his bag.

With only the two of them in the room, Buck switched his demeanor from disgusted to flirtatious faster than Eddie could think _trouble on the way_.

“So I’m a good lay?”

“You know you are.” He had gotten so close to Eddie it was too easy to reach forward and brush their lips in a kiss that ended before it really began. “Goes without saying.”

Buck smiled and Eddie shouldn’t, not at their workplace in a room anybody could see them, but he would indulge a last kiss because kissing Buck was something he was still to learn how to say no to, even though they had run out of time to pick up Chris and…

“Am I interrupting anything?”

Cap’s not so subtle warning had the opposite effect: Buck lost his balance and fell forward, knocking his forehead to Eddie’s and snapping his head back against the locker door with a loud thud. Eddie held onto the sleeve of Buck’s jacket to regain his balance, his flushed face concealed on the crock of Buck’s neck just in case.

“Well, actually…”

“It was a rhetorical question, Buckley.”

Eddie dared to peek from over Buck’s shoulder. Bobby was fighting not to laugh.

“You told us we should bond.”

“And now I’m telling you to get out of here, Beyoncé wannabe.”

Buck grinned and waved his hand in a single ladies' kind of goodbye. Between fondness and embarrassment, his love for Buck won over. Eddie grinned too as he shouldered his bag and caught Buck’s free hand to pull him away.

_Chim, the answer to your question._

“Sorry, Cap. You have a nice evening.”

“Actually, Diaz, a word before you go.”

The playful mood now gone, Buck snapped his head back to Eddie, a silent question in his eyes. Eddie shrugged. The fuck if he knew what the word would be about. He was sure he hadn't done anything wrong, broken any protocol these last couple of weeks. He was already navigating in so much hot water in his private life, he didn’t need another bucket full to drench himself into his professional one, too.

With a slight smile to maybe put them at ease and a quick wave of his hand, Cap added, "Relax, you are not in trouble. I-" a phone rang upstairs and Cap sighed. “Have to take this call. Meet me upstairs in five,” he said, going back to his office.

“Eddie…”

“Calma, mi amor. Cap didn’t sound mad, and he said I’m not in trouble.” Eddie cupped the side of Buck’s neck and run a thumb along the lines creasing the corner of his mouth. “But we will be if we are late to pick Chris up. Take the truck and go. I’ll meet you at your apartment.”

“You sure? I can pick him up and come back here.”

“Nah, I’ll be okay.” He followed Buck out to the hallway and gave him his bag and keys. “Just take my bag with you. Besides, he may have homework. No need to delay it.”

“Okay. I’ll see you back at the apartment then.” Buck dropped a quick kiss to his lips and turned to go. “Call me if you’re going to be late.”

“Okay. Drive safe.”

Cap was still on the phone, but he motioned Eddie to come inside and sit.

“All right, tomorrow then. Thank you for your assistance.”

Cap put the phone back on its base and rubbed his forehead. Eddie could just imagine how tired he must be, and he still had to deal with the paperwork for the day. He hoped it meant he wouldn’t be held there for too long. He hated missing time with his boys.

“Sorry, Diaz, and thanks for waiting. I’ll be brief.”

“Sure, Cap, no problem.”

“Is Buck waiting for you?”

“No, we commuted today. He’s gone to pick up Chris. I’ll take an Uber to his apartment.”

“Oh, good. You’re sharing rides again.” There was a pleasant smile on Cap’s face, to which Eddie gladly retributed. “I’ll make it quick. Is Christopher free on Friday? Do you and Buck have any plans with him?”

“No, nothing out of ordinary. Why?”

"Well, the ladies will have their night out and I'm on babysitting duty with the boys. Harry asked if Chris could come too.”

Eddie smiled, really pleased for his son. “Wow, Cap, thanks. I’ll have to run it by him, but I’m sure he will be bouncing off the walls with anticipation. What will he need?”

“It will be a sleepover, so pajamas, his hygiene kit, a change of clothes, his favorite games, and whatever else little boys need to pass the time. Does he have a sleeping bag? They will be camping in the backyard if the weather is amenable.”

“I’ll have to dig it from the garage, but he’ll be fine.”

“Any allergies?”

“No, he’s okay.”

“Good. Bring him around six. You’re welcome to dinner, too. Burgers, hot dogs and smores, and I’ll try to squeeze something green in between.”

“Smores? Are you sure?”

Something soft attached itself to Cap’s smile. “No, but have you seen my kids? I don’t know how to say no to them.”

Eddie laughed, getting himself on his feet. “I understand, sir. Thanks for the invitation. I really appreciate it, and I’m sure Christopher will, too.”

“Don’t mention it,” Cap said, shuffling the papers on his desk. “Now go and let me drown on my papers in peace.”

“Sure, Cap. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie was already at the door when Cap called his name.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m really glad you and Buck are working things out.”

Eddie returned his smile and left.

*****

Buck asked him to stop by the store on his way back, so he got to the apartment at around five-thirty. Buck and Christopher were rolling meatballs at the kitchen table, and Eddie suspected it was Buck’s special recipe for homemade tomato sauce simmering on the stove.

“Hey!”

“Hi, dad.” Chris welcomed him with a smile and a hug that reminded Eddie why he lived for moments like this. “Buck is teaching me how to make meatballs.”

“I can see.” He pecked Buck on his lips and left the grocery bags on the counter. “Need help?”

“No, we’re almost done. Just check the sauce and put the water to boil. Oh, there’s coffee on the counter, if you want some.”

“Thanks, love. Do you want me to put the bread in the oven?”

Buck checked his watch. “Give it ten minutes. Everything okay with Bobby?”

Eddie got some coffee for himself and Buck and poured a small glass of apple juice for Christopher. “Yeah, we’re good. He had an invitation for our little man here.”

“For me?”

“Yeah. Harry invited you for a sleepover on Friday. Would you like to go?”

“YEAH!” In his excitement, Christopher almost dropped the meatball he was rolling. “Can I go?”

“Sure. I’ll take you there after my shift.”

“I’m going to a sleepover, Buck!”

“Awesome, superman,” Buck said with a gentle smile. “Now it’s time to cook the meatballs.”

“Can I help Buck, dad?”

“Sure. Just be careful, all right?”

Eddie tossed a salad while they finished the meatballs, and in no time they were enjoying their meal.

Or at least Eddie and Chris were, with his son talking non-stop about the sleepover and the games and movies he would take with him. Buck, on the other hand, instead of teasing Christopher for changing his mind every five minutes, was quieter than usual moving his food around the plate.

They sent Chris to brush his teeth and choose a movie while they cleaned the kitchen. Buck remained almost monosyllabic in his answers, but still very generous in his affections. More than once he stopped what he was doing to kiss the lights out of Eddie just because. Not that Eddie was complaining, but weird.

Christopher stretched his small frame in the recliner and Eddie and Buck sprawled themselves on the sofa to watch Despicable Me 3.

Next, he knew, there was a familiar weight on his chest, a warm hand on his stomach, under his shirt and a different movie on the TV. A quick glance to the recliner and he saw Christopher wrapped in a blanket, asleep too.

He pulled Buck closer to him. Just five more minutes, and then he would take Christopher to his room and wake Buck up so they could go to bed too.

Eddie stretched his arm from over the arm of the sofa looking for the remote and was met by thin air.

Then he remembered.

There wasn’t a side table next to the sofa because they were at Buck’s. He couldn’t wait five more minutes because he had to drive Christopher back home. It was a school night.

Buck wasn’t back home. They wouldn’t be going to bed together, and damn, but he hated that situation.

Yet, he had to respect Buck, he promised _._ He was tired of always having to remind himself of that all the time.

He enjoyed the proximity, the warmth and smell of Buck just for a little longer. He should be grateful for having this, as little as it was, but damn! He was used to so much more, it wasn’t fair. If he could just figure out his shit the way Buck needed him to...

He brushed a kiss to Buck’s hair and started untangling himself from the mess of limbs they had become.

“Please, don’t go,” Buck asked softly, brushing his thumb along Eddie’s ribcage. “It’s late. Stay here with me.”

“We can’t, mi amor. We didn’t plan ahead, and Chris has school in the morning. He has stuff at home.”

“What stuff?”

“Clean uniform, snack. I don’t know if he left any homework back home that is due tomorrow.”

"I have stuff for a snack here in the apartment, and I can take his uniform and yours to the laundry room in the basement and run a load. It will be done in the morning.”

“Buck-“

“I don’t know about his homework, but perhaps you could write a note or talk to his teacher when we drop him off in the morning.”

“Or perhaps you could just come back home with us,” Eddie said and kissed Buck just as softly. “I know I promised not to pressure you, but you don’t belong here, mi vida.”

‘I know I don’t, Eddie. But after that night, I don’t feel like I belong at your place either. You really hurt me that day.”

Eddie had seen the looks, the tears, had heard the pain in Buck's voice before, but it was the first time he confessed to Eddie about the hurt that came from the inside with such an intensity it had been impossible for Buck to step foot inside the house since that day.

Eddie carefully turned onto his side, pressing himself to the back pillow of the sofa and pulling Buck closer to him in a space too narrow for the bulk of two grown-up, large men like they were. The perfect excuse to hold on to the man he loved and not let go.

“Buck-“

“I know you are sorry, love. You don’t have to apologize again. I get it, and I forgave you, I swear. That’s not what I need from you.”

“So please tell me what you do need.”

There was a rueful smile edging Buck’s lips as he kissed Eddie. “I do need you to figure it out by yourself.”

“You will be the death of me, you know?”

“But you love me anyway.”

Despite his frustration, Eddie smiled too and kissed him again. “I need a cup of coffee before I go.”

“I’ll make some.”

Buck went to the kitchen, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, Eddie started putting his and Christopher’s things together, all the while observing his sleeping son drooling on the blanket Buck must have thrown over him before taking off his glasses and putting them on the coffee table, next to Eddie’s wallet and cell phone.

Meaning that Buck had been up to see Eddie and Chris fall asleep, make them comfortable, and join Eddie again on the sofa, just waiting for him to wake up and plead him to stay, not to leave him alone.

Lately, it had been so easy and so complicated to love Buck, it was driving Eddie crazy, right along with the guilt he felt for everything. And it wasn’t fair, to none of them, even more so to Christopher, who was too young to understand something Eddie still had a hard time trying to grasp.

God, he needed to figure this shit out. If Buck would just help him, give him a clue…

After his cup of coffee, it was hard to come up with a safe way to juggle a backpack, lunch bag with the snack Buck had prepared, crutches and his sleeping son wrapped in the blanket Buck lent him, but Eddie managed.

“I can help you carry your things, Eddie.”

“No, I’ll be okay. War veteran, remember? I used to carry so much more shit, plus an M4A1 and a body four times heavier than my bundle of joy here on a really bad day. This is nothing,” he joked, but then got serious again, “I prefer to say goodbye to you here. Do you mind driving yourself to work tomorrow?”

"No, I… All right;" He stammered as he opened the door to Eddie. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work, then."

“Yeah, sure. Also, I can drop Chris here after I pick him up from Cap on Saturday. You have the day off, right? You can spend it with him.”

"Yeah, of course. But you're not coming here on Friday after you take Chris to his sleepover?”

“No, mi amor. If I’m going to figure things by myself, I need to be by myself.” Eddie nuzzled the top of his son’s head, gathering strength to say what he needed from the small body nestled in his arms. “I think you should do the same, Buck.”

“What, what do you mean?”

“I need you to be sure you want to stay with me. That you will open the door for me again.”

“What are you talking about, Eddie?” Buck reached out, but Eddie took a step back, safe and out of reach. His boyfriend, however, was persistent. He took a step forward but didn’t try to touch Eddie again. “I love you, and I’ll have you in any capacity you feel comfortable right now.”

“But you won’t open the door.”

“The door has always been open, Eddie.”

“You don’t want to break up with me? Because, Buck, if that’s what you want, tell me now.”

“Stubborn man,” Buck sighed. “I. Love. You.”

“So you will wait for me? No matter how long it takes?”

“Always.” He smiled. “There’s no time limit.”

“Good, because I didn’t lie to your sister. You are my forever.”

“And you are mine.” Buck yawned and leaned against the door. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

“Go back to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Text me when you get home.”

“Okay, now close the door and go.”

Buck smiled and did as he was told.

Eddie didn’t mind. The only door that mattered to him remained open, Buck said so.

Buck said so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I still owed them a new opportunity to talk before Eddie went to a corner for his time out to think about what he did. But the main scenery is set for the next chapter. Barren any changes, there are only two more to go.  
> Thanks again for taking the time to read my little fic, to send kudos and for the feedback.  
> Please, stay safe at home.  
> Much love.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. Another chapter I had to split in two parts because it was getting too long. I also think Christopher deserves a chance to be cute with his dad. Still un-betaed, but I still hope it makes sense.

“Ready, buddy?”

Eddie’s question was met by silence. The guest room was next door to Christopher’s and both doors were open, so his kid must have heard him.

Unless…

“DAD!”

Bingo!

 _Patience and understanding_ , the little singsong voice that sounded like Karla’s nudged him, as he went to the room said kid knew Eddie hadn’t used since that night.

“What are you doing here, buddy?”

“Looking for you.”

“Here?”

Chris shrugged. “This is your room.”

Eddie counted to ten, reminding himself he was raising a great, the best kid ever, a little headstrong at times, which was expected given his upbringing, and moved forward to sit on the edge of the bed and try to explain yet again the reasons behind this momentary change in his sleeping arrangement.

“And you know it’s temporarily out of use, m’hijo.”

“Your clothes are here, you shower here… you just don’t sleep here anymore,” his son grumbled under his breath from his place right in the middle of Eddie’s bed in the company of the Firefighter Bear Buck got him yesterday when they went out for ice cream after school.

Without Eddie’s supervision, his boys, in a totally unplanned, totally innocent (or so they swore) move stumbled upon a Build-A-Bear shop that resulted in them being thirty minutes late to meet Eddie at the station. 

Buck could hardly conceal his distress when Eddie took notice of the gift bags, and Eddie himself had to bite his tongue to keep quiet about the money that Chris proudly claimed came from his piggy bank at Buck’s, and focus on their evening together to decide where to take Christopher for dinner.

Things went well at the restaurant and they managed to have a great time, but once Buck drove them back to the station and Eddie’s truck, it was evident his boyfriend didn’t know whether kissing would be a welcoming way to say goodbye.

Eddie solved the dilemma with a kiss that earned them a loud protest from Chris and a blinding, grateful smile from Buck, renewing his determination to put their relationship back on the right track and make good use of his alone time this evening. They usually kept their outings to either Friday or Saturday evenings, but they had to move up things a little since Eddie was working this weekend and Chris’s sleepover today – to which they were already running late.

Chris was clutching the bear to his chest, chin resting on the top of the bear's plastic helmet and lips pursed in concentration, furrowing his brow at the dresser across from the bed as if the inanimate piece of furniture held all the answers to whatever was troubling his little man’s mind.

Despite knowing Christopher was growing up so much every single day, not only in height but also in personality and stubbornness, there was just too much intensity in that stare for someone so young. And to think that he could have gotten so many better and much more attractive traits from the Diaz's genes of personality.

But, Dios, his kid was cute!

Changing position and tactics, Eddie perched himself on the other side of the bed to face his son. Then he leaned forward and smacked a loud kiss on the top of his head. Despite his kind of sour mood, Chris giggled and nuzzled his forehead into Eddie’s chin.

Eddie smiled. That was so much better, more like the happy kid his little man usually was, the last couple of weeks and all its troubles notwithstanding.

And call it a father’s intuition or whatsoever, Eddie would bet it had to do with the absence the Firefighter Bear was there to supply. Most times it worked; since yesterday, Christopher had gotten to leave it within eyesight at mealtimes, homework time, movie time, and, he didn’t know Eddie knew it, at bedtime too. Basically, every time he had to go from point A to point B, he would be in the company of the pale plushy bear and its friendly smile, full set uniform along with rubber boots and all. It was Buck through and through but for the cuddly factor… About that, nothing could be compared to the real thing.

“What’s cooking, good-looking?” Eddie asked and earned another giggle from his son.

“What?”

“Something your mom used to say when she thought something was wrong,” Eddie said, gently caressing his son’s forehead.

“Did she used to tell me this?”

“Who else could be the cutest good-looking little thing for your mom?”

“YOU!” Chris answered without missing a beat and Eddie laughed.

“Wow! Thanks, kiddo, but you dethroned me the moment you were born. But that’s fine. I think I’ll get over it… with time.”

“You’re so silly, dad!”

“Hey, now let’s be fair here, little man. Silly, that would be your mom. She was the queen of silliness. Remember when she used to read to you? No contest there!”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed, lowering his head to Eddie’s shoulder, a little sad, but still smiling. “She did the best voices at bedtime.”

Eddie pulled his son closer, the bear pressed between them. “I know, son. She was great at so many things. But do you know what she was the greatest at?” Chris shook his head no and Eddie kissed the top of his head. “At loving you. She loved, loves, you so much, kid. You know that, right?”

Chris nodded and whispered against Eddie’s shoulder, “I miss her, dad.”

“I know, buddy. I miss her too.”

“But you weren’t together in the end.”

“No, we weren’t, but we had you together. And you, kid, are our unbreakable bond, you know? I will forever love and be grateful to your mom because of you.”

“Really?”

“Of course.” With reluctance, Eddie put a little space between them so they could look at each other again. “Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can help.”

Chris dropped his gaze and started fussing with the bear again. “Buck is good at doing voices, too. Do you think mom would be upset if she knew I like it when he reads to me?”

“No, buddy. I think mom would be glad you found someone to do this for you,” Eddie replied without hesitating. “And because I know mom loved you so much, I bet she was the one who sent your Bucky to be there for you when she no longer could.”

“And for you too, right, dad?”

“I guess,” he said with a sad smile.

Shannon had deserved so much better than him. She had been a good woman and an even better mom, sacrificing so much for them, and the one time she had dared to put herself first, she fell from grace with his family in such a spectacular way, Eddie had his doubts death had been able to redeem her in their eyes.

“Buck makes you happy too, dad.”

“Yes, he does.”

“I wish he would come back,” Chris whispered. “He got me the bear so I won’t miss him so much. Did you see the one I gave him?”

“Yeah. Cute little thing wearing glasses and a Batman t-shirt. Have you changed your secret identity and didn’t tell me?”

“No,” Christopher giggled. “They didn’t have Superman. I’ll ask abuelita to make him a Superman t-shirt.”

"I think she will. Maybe she'll make one for me too since I haven't got any bear of my own. See if I'll let you go shopping without me again," Eddie complained.

"You don't need a bear, dad," Chris said while rolling his eyes and puffing out his cheeks. “You see Buck and I every day.”

Oh.

Eddie closed his eyes for his regret and shame were too much to fight back along with the sadness he couldn’t afford to feel and to show his kid right now, not when his son needed his reassurances that things may be different now, but the foundation was still there, that his dad hadn’t destroyed everything with his insecurities. He would have time for that, to deal with his needs later, after dropping off Chris at Bobby’s. He had promised Buck that he would figure things out, put his shit together. He owed Christopher and Buck as much.

“You haven’t been too happy lately, dad,” Chris added softly.

“I know, buddy. It’s because I miss our Buck, too.”

“But you’re together every day.”

"Yeah, but I miss him in a different way, like an adult who is in love with someone." Then he tried to smile. "Dad made a mistake, and I'm sorry, kid. But Buck and I are working things out."

“You grownups are so complicated. You should just kiss and make up!”

Bless his kid for making him laugh even if he were the one to screw things up for them.

“I’ll remember that next time you complain when I kiss my boyfriend,” Eddie chuckled out.

“Not in front of me! It’s gross!”

“Make up your mind, little man,” Eddie said, kissing the top of his head again before giving Christopher a last hug. “Now we’d better get a move, kid, or you’ll be late for your sleepover. Have you gotten everything?”

“Everything is ready, dad. We went through my bag last night, remember?” Chris shimmied his way out of bed and started towards the door sans the bear. “We can go now.”

“Hey, aren’t you taking the bear with you?”

“Dad, I’m not taking a bear to a sleepover!”

“Why not? Wasn’t all that glum mood because of leaving your Buck bear behind for one night?”

“No, dad. I was thinking if I should leave the bear here or in the other room for you.”

“For me? But why?”

“Because you are not going to Buck’s, and I don’t want you to feel alone when I’m not here,” Chris explained, reversing their roles as he drew the words out with the same patience of a parent explaining the obvious to their kid. “I’ll get my bag.”

There were things his son did that were so Shannon-like, from that time she had been less sad, less desperate and more carefree, Eddie believed it was his wife manipulating their kid from up there so she could have a good, well-deserved laugh at Eddie's expense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking this long. I'm halfway done with part B, so I may have it posted on the weekend.  
> Now, if I may.  
> Writing fanfiction is a great distraction, and right now here in Brazil we're living some moments of great political tension,. Adding to it what's been going on in the USA - and that hits extremely close to my home - I really needed something to keep my mind out of things.  
> Peace.  
> Thanks for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there -  
> A few more people making their appearance here. And I guess Eddie is now... well.  
> Still unbeated, so all the typos are mine. And still hoping it makes sense to you.

“WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!”

If the exciting way Harry and Deny greeted them at door were of any indication, Eddie feared Bobby would be in for a very long, loud, and busy night with this trio.

“Let us help you, Mr. D,” Harry offered, going for the bag Eddie was carrying the same time Deny got the sleeping bag from under Eddie’s arm, the both of them sharing with Chris what they had planned for their sleepover. Chris was carrying his own backpack and Eddie had nightmares imagining his son going down the stairs the same way Harry and Deny were setting to do.

"Boys, you know better than running down the stairs with your arms full, don't you?" came the gentle reminder with a bit of admonishment from the bottom of the stairs where Cap was waiting for them with a tray full of chopped vegetables.

“Nope, Pops! We’re moving really slow,” Harry replied, and Eddie had to recognize the boys were trying, but there was that typical boyish energy with the kind of enthusiasm in their movements no child should have after a long day at school.

"Good," then he offered that little, welcoming smile that would put any guest at ease. "Hey, Chris. Welcome back to our house."

“Thanks for having me, Cap.”

“No thanks necessary, kid. I hope you enjoy your stay. Now you go take your things to Harry’s room until bedtime.”

As the trio trotted down the corridor, Bobby reached out to help Eddie with the boxes he was carrying. “I told you you didn’t have to bring anything, Eddie.”

“Just cupcakes. They’re store-bought. You’re safe.”

Bobby smiled. “I thought Buck was teaching you?”

“Oh, he tries, but cooking’s not really my thing.”

Eddie left the box on the table and followed Bobby out to the patio. There was a standard camping tent lining the back fence in yellow and blue since the weather channel had promised a warm night with no rain. Bobby had also improvised a small fire pit with interlaced bricks not too far from the patio door, where he would be able to see them at all times. From what little Eddie knew about his story and past trauma, that small gesture spoke volumes of the love Bobby had for Athena’s kids.

“Don’t worry. The fire will be out the moment I tell them I’m going to bed.”

Eddie wasn’t sure who Bobby was trying to assure more, but he appreciated the sentiment.

“So they’re really camping out? That’s all Chris could talk about since I told him about your invitation.”

“I think the weather will hold, and I will stay down here with them,” Bobby said tilting his head towards the living room, where a blanket and some pillows were piled on the sofa. “Would you like something to drink? We have lots of juice and soda, but there is also some wine and beer.”

He could go for some beer, but it was his first time at Bobby’s by himself so he didn’t know the protocol of what would be acceptable, given Bobby’s story with alcohol.

“A Coke would be nice, thanks,” he finally decided, asking for something strong enough to take a little of the anxiety he was feeling without affecting his reflex for when he drove back home.

“You sure you don’t want a beer?”

“I don’t know. I have to drive back, and with no one to keep me company…”

“It’s okay, Eddie. Don’t worry,”

Fearing it would sound like an offense if he kept refusing, Eddie followed Bobby back to the kitchen and accepted one.

“Thanks,” he said just as the boys were coming back, each carrying the small treat Eddie had gotten them.

“Look what Mr. D got us, Pops!”

“Thanks, Mr. D!” Deny said, leafing through his book of campsite stories. “Are the stories too scary?”

“They’re for kids your age. You’ll be fine.”

“Look! They teach how to make some craft, too! Are mom and May back yet?” Harry asked Bobby without taking his eyes from his book. “Perhaps we could ask her to bring some stuff.”

“Dad and I brought the stuff to make wallets.”

“Wallets?” Denny asked, furiously leafing through his book. “Awesome! I’ve never had a wallet before.”

"They're made out of construction paper and duct tape," Eddie explained at Bobby's raised eyebrow. "We bought everything they will need if you don't mind them using scissors. They're kids friendly, just in case."

“But they teach how to make friendship bracelets, Pops! I’ve always wanted to learn how to make them.”

“You once made me a friendship bracelet,” Bobby reminded him.

“The kids kind. These are so much more cool!”

“Cooler, Harry.”

“See? You even agree with me.”

Eddie snorted and apologized when Bobby turned amused eyes at him.

“They should be back any minute now, son,” he said, checking his watch.

“They went shopping! You know what they are like when they go shopping. May won’t want to come back until all the money you gave her is gone. Can’t you at least text them?”

It was scary how effective three kids pulling the puppy dog eye act could crumble the resolve of a full-grown up adult.

“!’ll see what I can do,” Bobby finally relented, already pulling his phone from his back pocket. “Why don’t you guys set the table outside and then get ready for dinner while I talk to your mom?”

“You made rustic chips, right?”

“In the oven.”

“YEAH! Thanks, Pops! You’re the best!” Harry rushed everybody out. “Let’s, guys! Pop’s rustic chips are the best! Chris, can you get the napkins?”

“I’m tired just by looking at them,” Eddie said, watching the colorful whirlwind run past the glass door, Chris bravely keeping up with them. “You sure you’ll be fine?”

“What other choice do I have?” Bobby asked, but he was smiling as he texted Athena. “They’re good boys and Athena will be around until eight. More than enough time to keep them in line and reinforce the rules while apparently making friendship bracelets and duct tape wallets with them. Now come on, get the buns and let’s fire the grill before they start complaining they’re hungry.”

Eddie actually managed to chill helping Bobby tend to the boys, setting each with a couple of burger sliders, and learning in the meantime a thing or two about new techniques to negotiate chips and vegetables to make parents and kids happy and satisfied at mealtime. And Harry was right; the chips were to die for.

They had finally gotten to sit with their burgers when Athena and May got back laden with shopping bags.

“Hey, babies. Hi, Eddie,” she said, dropping a quick kiss to Bobby’s lips. “We’ll be right there with you.”

“Hi, Pops. Hi, Mr. D,” May greeted them a moment later from the doorway. “I can take the bags, mom.”

“Aren’t you the sweetest thing,” Athena said, handing May at least a half dozen bags. “Just remember I know how many of those belong to me, young lady.” May smiled cheekily at her before disappearing down the hall.

“D’ you get it, mom?”

“Yeah, baby.”

“Thanks, mom! You’re the best!”

“Anyone can be the best when it serves him right,” she said while Bobby fed her a chip from his plate. “Oh, Lord! I love those.”

“Have you eaten?” Bobby asked, and Athena motioned for him to remain seated.

“It’s fine, baby. I can get my own. And you, kids? Everything okay? Got everything you need?” The kids were too busy stuffing their faces with the food to give her a proper answer but very enthusiastic grunts. “I’ll take that as a yes. And you, Eddie? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m good. Getting used to my little man spending nights away from home.” 

“They grow up too fast,” she agreed, rejoining them at the table with catchup and mayo dripping from her hamburger, no veggies to be seen in it. “You and Buck should take advantage of the peace and quiet, though.”

“Buck is working today. His shift will be over the same time as Hen’s.”

“So he should be home by the time I have to leave to meet my girls. Up to you what you’ll do with this information,” she said, winking at Eddie.

“We’ll see,” Eddie said, skirmishing a little uncomfortable in his chair. Eddie knew Bobby praised discretion and wasn’t fond of gossip, but he also knew how protective Bobby was of Buck, so it was a surprise Athena apparently had no idea of what was going on between them.

It didn’t take Bobby too long to notice his discomfort and shift the conversation to a safer topic, much to Eddie’s gratitude.

“Have you decided where you’re going to spend your hard-earned money?”

“You mean your hard-earned money, mister. I may or may not use your card tonight. You share your generosity with our kids, you share your generosity with me.”

“Fair enough,” Bobby agreed with a gratified smile that somehow reminded Eddie of Buck’s when he realized Eddie was making an effort to not get mad at his and Christopher’s shopping trip yesterday. “So have you decided where you’re going to spend my hard-earned money?”

“Not yet, but I’ll let you know,” Athena said, tearing at another chip. “I thought this week would never end. I can’t thank you enough for watching the boys, baby.”

“I was telling Eddie it would be no trouble once you help me set the rules.”

“Don’t you make it sound like I’m the only one making the rules here, sir. What will Eddie think?” Athena covered her mouth to laugh in mock indignation. Even so, Eddie was a little scared of her, for real.

“Chis knows he has to mind you at all times,” he rushed to clarify, just in case.

“Oh, believe me when I say Denny and your boy are no trouble at all, Eddie. But have you met ours?” She laughed and covered Bobby’s hand with hers. “Now I trust this one here to play bad cop with them in my absence if necessary.”

“Bobby?” Eddie snorted in disbelief and became the recipient of another amused raised eyebrow for his trouble. “Sorry, Cap, but I see the stuff you have to put up with at work every day. Playing bad cop would have half the crew fired every week."

“Two pairs of words for you: rage room and gray hair. Lots of gray hair.”

“And an adjective followed by a compound: my old fireplace.”

“Michael’s idea and just happened once.”

“And once was all it took. Don’t let this one fool you. Your cap’s just as bad as me, only disguised as a sheep and with a nicer smile,” she said, patting Bobby’s hand twice before leaving hers there, right on top of his. “Our kids and disorder don’t stand a chance with this man in charge, Eddie.”

“Speaking of kids, where’s May? Won’t she eat anything before meeting her friends?”

“Probably trying to come up with a way to weasel twenty bucks out of you. Be prepared.”

“Twenty bucks? But why?”

“I’ll let her be the one to tell you,” Athena said after calling out May to join them. “Watch and learn, Eddie. May be useful to you in a few years.”

“I think I should reconsider leaving my kid here.”

“Why should you reconsider leaving your kid here, Mr. D?” May asked, going straight to the grill outside. “Do we have any chicken, Pops?”

“Eddie’s afraid you will teach his kid how to weasel money out of his boyfriend.”

“It’s not weaseling when one of the parents is being mean.”

“Now I’m the mean parent.”

“Mom, I couldn’t buy that jacket because you wouldn’t lend me twenty. I told her I would pay her back once I got my allowance from you next week, Pops.”

“And you didn’t, my love?”

“Nope. I’m in charge of paying for half her tuition and accommodations. The kids’ spending money is your business, husband.”

“I see.” Bobby took another bite of his sandwich and smiled at Athena before turning his attention back to May. “I’ll try to talk some sense into your mom when I take her out for dinner next week while you babysit Harry.”

“Pops!”

“Then on Saturday you can take your brother to the movies and buy your new jacket.”

Athena smiled and kissed Bobby’s cheek. “I like the way you think, husband.”

May looked at Eddie as if at least he would be on her corner. Eddie shrugged in apology first because it was none of his business, and second because, well, Athena.

“Fine,” May finally conceded. “But you’re paying for snacks, pizza, and dessert."

“You got a deal, baby,” Athena agreed, squeezing her daughter’s cheek, then turning back to Eddie. “That’s how you deal with your teenage offspring, Eddie.”

Eddie laughed a little embarrassed, caught off guard with the domestic exchange in front of him. He didn’t remember his parents ever making such a light situation concerning spending money, never mind in front of people who were not family.

“Things have changed since I was a teenager, I guess. My sisters and I always had to work for our money. You know, kid stuff, do little things around the house. That’s how Chris gets his spending money too.”

“Oh, we’re used to child labor in this house, too,” May laughed. “Mom and dad used to say it builds character. Pops here is not that much different.”

“Because it does,” Athena said, stealing another chip from Bobby’s plate. “Like perhaps babysitting for two weekends to get the money to buy a new jacket.”

“Mom!”

“Your mom is just teasing you, sweetheart. One weekend babysitting is enough,” Bobby assured May, standing up with his plate in hands. May made a face and stuck out her tongue at her mom. “I’m heading outside to get more chips for your mom. Anyone else needs anything? May? Eddie?”

“Another chicken burger, Pops, please.”

“I’m good, Cap, thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Boys, let me handle the grill, then you can fix your sandwiches.”

“That husband of mine,” Athena clucked, smiling at Eddie. “He spoils these kids rotten.”

"We kids," May snorted. "Mom, he went to get you more chips because you ate all of his. Pops is worse with you.”

“With me, really?”

“Well, you did eat all of his chips,” Eddie dared to agree with May. “And now I bet he won’t come back until he is sure the kids will be alright making their sandwiches.”

He was right. Bobby rejoined them only when the kids were back to their table with their sandwiches and soda.

“Watch, learn and take notes, Eddie, because that will be your life with Buck and Chris in a few years,” Athena advised him. “Trust me; Buck is just like Bobby.”

It was weird and painful, but in her smile, in her words, Eddie found himself in a flashback to that night.

_“You gotta see this, Eddie! It’s amazing!” Buck pulled a giggling Chris into a crushing hug and kissed the top of his head. “So proud of you, kiddo.”_

“Why is Buck just like me?”

“Mom was telling Mr. D how much you spoil us.”

_“Hey, buddy, you know what? Between your daddy and I, I’m sure we’ll come up with something to make your trip happen.”_

“And that Eddie should expect the same from Buck,” Athena completed, and Eddie blinked back to reality.

“Oh, that.” Bobby blushed around the smile he shared with Athena. “What good would it do to work the way I do and not have anyone to love and spoil anyway I can?”

_“You promise, Buck?”_

_“Cross my heart, kiddo.”_

While Bobby and Athena smiled at each other and May rolled her eyes at them. Eddie’s world came to an end, crumpled at his feet. And just like that, like a switch had been flipped, setting Eddie`s mind into overdrive, the sudden excess of white noise made his head spin.

_“You, on the other hand, are the Mitchell to my Thomas, Eddie.”_

Of course, Buck was just like Bobby. Had been offering the same dynamics, the same things he had seen Bobby offering this family, his second chance at happiness and holding on to it with everything he got.

Just like Buck, way before Eddie had taken his chance and stolen that first kiss, glad and relieved when Buck kissed him back, like all of their tomorrows in that aspect would forever belong to the two of them.

_“I don’t want you to give me money when I take him to places, or to thank me just for loving him, Eddie, it’s not fair.”_

And Eddie had managed to take…

No, not take.

_“We can start with me saying no to my kid and you promising him something I can’t afford!”_

To _rip_ everything from under him, from under the man he loved and to whom he had apologized again and again for his words, without really understanding how he had torn their world apart.

_“The camping trip? You’re mad at me because of a couple of hundred bucks? Eddie, come on!”_

No, not because of a couple of hundred bucks.

No. Eddie could get over that, of course, he could. He just would have to pay Buck back,

Dios.

 _“Come on what? It’s_ my _authority over_ my _kid.”_

He couldn’t breathe.

What had he done?

He had taken so much more.

_“Yes, MY kid!”_

He had taken from Buck his something good.

_“Mitchell was Thomas’ something good, Eddie. You and Chris are mine.”_

What the fuck had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be more to this chapter, but it was getting too long... again. Now I got the number of chapters right: 13.  
> Thanks for the feedback, the kudos and everything else, guys!  
> You be safe and take care.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed, but I hope it makes sense and that you guys enjoy it.

Right now Eddie was a disaster on two legs who had no idea of where remorse was leading him to.

Or better yet, the lonely, small fraction of his brain that refused to shut down was aware of the only destination he wanted to take, of the only place he needed to be. But everything was too fucked up for him to take this chance.

He was living the proverbial screeching halt with remorse, regret, fear, and everything in between tripping inside of him and pulling him towards the only way he deserved to go.

Down, and fast, with no mercy.

Because everything had hit him at once, two feet at high speed slamming him squarely in the chest, cracking his structure, robbing him of a solid surface to plant his feet and save him from a freefall face-first to the damage he had caused.

When the thin veneer veiling his ignorance finally melted, the stench of his contrition was nauseating and he found himself gaging and gasping for air, but his need for oxygen was no greater than the need to come to terms with the sorrow he had caused Buck. Reprieve was a comfort he knew he was yet to deserve.

And he couldn’t fucking breathe or fucking think or fucking function!

“Eddie, wait!”

He had to get to Buck and, and apologize and say that he finally understood what he had taken away from him, but he couldn’t even fucking breathe.

He couldn’t fucking breathe!

“Eddie! Eddie, wait! Come back here.”

Bobby.

“I, I have to go, Bobby... God, I have… to apologize…”

“Eddie, you need to calm down or you will hyperventilate.”

“I have… to go…”

“Okay, you will go, but first you have to breathe. I will put my arms around your shoulders, okay?”

“Buck… I have to…”

"You will, but first, come on, breathe with me. In and out… Yeah, that's right. In and out…"

Slowly he did as he was told, clinging to the rhythm imposed by Bobby’s chest to his back.

In and out…

He could not fuck up again. He had to breathe and go to Buck’s.

He had to apologize.

“Take it easy, you will.”

In and out…

“That’s it, son, you’re doing fine. You’re doing fine.”

Gradually Eddie’s head was clearing, and his vision was getting less fuzzy. He could now make out the outline of Bobby’s house and distinguish some of the colors of the flowerpots, and he could still feel Bobby behind him and his arms keeping him up.

Eddie also felt shame and the need to cry, to rant and punch and berate himself for being vulnerable yet again in front of Bobby, though a small, barely perceptible part of him was glad it was Bobby because it was safe; Bobby had seen him cry before without judgment, and Eddie was so damn tired of being ball chained to and dragging this affliction around.

So damn tired.

“Come on then, Let’s sit you down.”

Eddie let himself be led back to the front of the house, and Bobby eased him down to a chair before taking the one beside him.

“Are you okay now, Eddie?”

Okay? He was so far from okay he had no fucking idea of how he had gotten outside of Bobby’s house, and that was the least of his problems.

“Yeah… No… I’m… Oh, my God! Christopher…”

“Is playing with the kids. May and Athena are with them.”

“But-“

“He’s fine, he didn’t see anything. Everything happened too fast.”

“Shit, I’m…” he wiped his nose on the sleeve of his flannel, disgusted with what he had just done, but no more than about what he had said to Buck. “How did I end up here?”

“You just up and left. One moment we were talking and then the next you were standing and stumbling your way up the stairs so fast we were afraid of what could have happened if you lost your balance for real. We tried to call you back, but it was like you weren’t listening.”

“No, here. How could I drag myself into this situation?” he asked softly. “God, I understand it now, Bobby, I swear I do. I just want to get to him and tell him now I understand. He needs to know how sorry I am.”

“Understand what?”

“How I failed him and Christopher… How I failed our family.” He closed his eyes tight until they started sparkling behind his eyelids as he tried to keep himself from start crying again. “I… God, Bobby. I fucked up. Neither he nor Christopher will ever forgive me. He will never take me back.”

“Did you cheat on him? Because I think this is the one thing he wouldn’t…”

“No! Of course not! I love him, Cap. I would never…”

“Okay, I believe you,” Cap reassured him with a smile. “But sometimes it’s good when we speak out loud about the things that are bothering us so we ourselves can believe them. Or let them go.”

“A little too late for that now, Cap,” Edie laughed without humor. “I ruined everything, Bobby. He will never forgive me or, or trust me again the way he used to,” he whispered, remorse yet again welling up his eyes with tears and he angrily wiped at them. “The things I told him… what I took away from him… How could I do that to him?”

Eddie could feel Bobby’s gaze upon him, a silent scrutiny that made Eddie nervous not for being invasive, but because he would feel compelled to share what he had done. And knowing how close Bobby and Buck were, Eddie feared the truth would cost him the respect of a close friend and mentor.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Bobby offered softly.

“Hasn’t he told you? He tells you everything.”

“He may have told me,” Bobby conceded. “But you will never know. Just like he will never know if you want to talk to me now.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Cap, but… I’m just…”

“What? Too ashamed?” Bobby asked with a soft smile.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Eddie, a decent Thesaurus should have my name on their pages as a synonym for messing up.”

Bobby spoke with the propriety of someone who had learned how to turn the pain and devastation born out of the greatest of tragedies into the kind of resigned consciousness that made Eddie recoil inwardly, embarrassed for not manning up and moving on, like his own dad would expect him to.

“Bobby, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, Eddie. What I went through should not be a parameter to what you are going through. It wouldn’t be fair to you,” he explained with a smile that was rueful in its dignity. “My experience, however, taught me that it’s good to talk to someone from outside.”

Eddie stared at his hands. Why not? Cap had proved again and again to every member of their team he would always be there for them. He had been there for him before and had never given Eddie reason to regret opening up to him.

And at this point, what else did he have to lose?

He had planned not to tell everything, just enough to give Bobby a color-faded picture of what was going on, the reason why Buck wouldn’t step foot inside the house. Wouldn’t come back home.

But Eddie was a mess of two-many loose ends tying endless tight knots around his lungs, and once he started, he didn’t waste time testing what threads to pull.

No, he went blind for it, venting and ranting and not taking the time to ponder about what he was letting out.

His hothead signature for sure. The same way he was fearful of sharing too much and lose what little control of things he still had left, he lowered the only shield against a world that wouldn’t hesitate to knock him down with no mercy and started lashing out not at Cap, but at himself and his inaptitude to see what Buck needed.

Bobby listened and showed him through little smiles with a glint of sympathy and short nods of head in understanding that yeah, there was no denying Eddie had screwed things up, said understanding not being the product of some sad harmony that glued broken things through their jagged, sharp ends. No, it was the result of the little shards that would be swept away, and yet without then, nothing would ever be perfect again, if there had ever been such a thing as perfection.

He wasn’t stupid enough to strive for perfection. He just wanted Buck to come back.

“I’ve talked to him, Cap,” he said softly after taking a short break in which everything was still floating around his head, less heavy and suffocating, he could admit, but still a burden he would have to carry for a long time. “I’ve apologized to him again and again, but it hasn’t been enough to make him believe me.”

“Eddie, despite everything, you’re still together, he stayed. So if he’s said he forgave you…”

“So why won’t he come back home?” Eddie pleaded fiercely, giving voice to all the frustration and fear he had to keep to himself in front of Christopher and Buck. “I just want him to come back home.”

It was Bobby’s turn to remain in silence with a look that was so far and away and yet centered in the here and now while he gazed to some point ahead of them.

“Eddie, our stories are not the same, the circumstances are totally different, but I hope you can keep an open mind and listen to what I have to say.”

Bobby started, breaking the silence. 

“Bobby, you don’t have to.” 

“I know and I won’t. Some things are not meant to be shared,” he said, looking ahead of himself again. “But others can heal you, Eddie.”

“Okay, I… okay,” Eddie said just for the need of saying something. 

“This house is paid for,” Bobby started without looking at him, “Has been for a while, since before Athena and I got married and I moved in.

“You went to my apartment, saw where I lived before. I hadn’t had a home for a long time, Eddie. And then I met Athena, we fell in love and got married less than a year after our first kiss.” He smiled. “One of the advantages of being our age is that we know what we want and go for it, but it doesn’t mean we haven’t had our ups and downs along the way.” 

“Sometimes it’s the only thing relationships are made of.”

“You’re right,” Bobby agreed. “I’m not sure I’m supposed to tell you how old Athena is, but you know how old I am, and she’s not too far behind.”

“Dangerous territory, sir.”

“And I’ll steer clear of it,” Bobby promised with a humored voice, only to let melancholia take over again one second later. “We have lots of stories between the two of us. Good, bad, happy, or sad. And it would be fine if it were just the two of us.”

“I see.”

"It's more complex than that, Eddie. After we got married and I moved in, I started noticing little things about myself that I used to think I didn’t deserve to have anymore. It wasn’t just Athena, but also this house, the kids, the new memories we were building together. And I started wanting again.” He smiled, but there was only sadness behind it. “And I was lucky I got to be with people that were more generous than I thought I deserved, but I was afraid to reach out for more. I used to think that just paying for the utilities and groceries would do it, but, well, it didn’t, not after a while.”

“The kids call you Pops, Bobby.”

“Yeah, and I still don’t think they understand the kind of strength they gave me to cross that final line that would make it feel like I belonged here with them.” When Bobby looked up again, his eyes were shining. “And it made me greedy. I wanted to be part of everything in their lives. To make it short, there were long conversations with Athena and Michael, lots of reasoning because you have no idea of how thickhead that duo can be.”

“Your wife scares me.”

“She scares me, too, and I asked her to marry me,” Bobby said without any heat behind his words, only love. “But anyway, what sealed the deal for them was that I just wanted to feel like this house and the kids were part mine, too.”

“Do you feel like it now? Like you belong?”

“Yes, Eddie, I do, I have to, because without them, what do I really have?”

_At that time, being around you again, it would have to be enough. But now, I don’t know._

“Do you think he will ever forgive me?”

Eddie asked, not because he pretended not to know the answer, but because he was finally accepting there was no point in hoarding the sharp chips of something that was no more, wanted…

No!

He _needed_ to believe that even broken, there were still so much he and Buck could do with the loose ends of their relationship and make it stronger.

“Why can’t you believe he already has?"

_Because I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself!_

Eddie wanted to shout back at the universe, but what would be the point? He knew a rhetorical question when he came across one.

“I think he has no idea of how much I love him, Cap. Of how much I need him.”

“So tell him and make him believe you.”

“I honestly don’t think I know how to, Bobby.”

“So give yourself the chance to learn how to. You are allowed to be greedy too, Eddie.” Bobby advised, smiling again and patting his leg in paternal encouragement. “You ready to go back inside?”

Eddie wasn't, but his son was inside the house, and for him, Eddie would learn how to do anything.

“Knock, knock,” Bobby announced their presence, knuckling the wooden frame of the patio door once they’re back with the others.

Chris’s was the first face Eddie searched for back into the room, and his son seemed to be unaffected and unaware of his dad's meltdown as he beamed at May as she helped him wrap duct tape around his wallet.

Athena looked up from where she was cleaning up the small table of food close to the grill. With an assertive smile, she approached them and stopped at Bobby’s side, her arms going around his waist as he did the same to her shoulder before he planted a light kiss into her hair.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes, I'm... I'm alright now," Eddie stammered, embarrassed. “I apologize for bringing this kind of drama to your house on your night off.”

“No need to, Eddie,” she laughed softly in a way Eddie hadn’t seen her doing before, not when there was just him around, anyway. “I’ve lived in this house for more than a decade now. Believe me, these walls are not new to drama, and they’re strong enough to withstand a couple more decades of stories.”

“It shouldn’t have to bear the drama of strays, though” he joked awkwardly.

“I see no strays here, mister. Only family and friends,” she sassed him in her no-nonsense way. “You’re always welcomed here, kid.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to have a good time on my dime?” Bobby asked, checking his watch.

Eddie did the same and was surprised to see it was past seven.

“Sorry, Cap. I shouldn’t have kept you out for so long.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bobby assured him with a smile. “How are the kids, my love?”

“They’re fine, hyped up on cupcakes and too much soda, thanks to Buckaroo’s boo here. May has helped settle them some with their craft.”

“May? Practicing for next week?”

"Nah, I think she's actually enjoying their company.” She turned to Eddie with a raised eyebrow and another sassy smile. “And I think your kid is growing a crush on my baby girl. He’s all soft eyes and smiles at her.”

“Chris? Really?”

For good measure, Eddie checked on his son again, and yep, unlike Harry who seemed to be annoyed, and Denny, who was all seriousness and concentration at the piece of construction paper he was cutting, Chris had his kid’s version of heart eyes aimed at Bobby’s and Athena’s eldest as he showed her the star duct tape he made Eddie buy especially for her.

“I’m not ready. He’s only ten,” Eddie groaned.

Athena laughed and nodded against Bobby’s chest “Well, you’ve been warned. Anyway, if everything is good and fine, I should be getting ready to join my girls for a night out my dear beloved is sponsoring.”

“Jesus, Athena, I’m sorry,” Eddie apologized again, but what is one more time when it became part common curtesy in his life this past few weeks. “I hope I haven’t delayed your plans by too much,”

“Nah, don’t worry,” she said to Eddie but winking at Bobby. “Not even five minutes after you stepped outside, Hen texted asking to meet a bit later. Another kid at your house wasn't feeling so hot, Captain. You should take better care of your grown-up kids.”

“Is it Buck? He’s not feeling well? He was fine when my shift ended.”

That was why Eddie hated it when their shifts overlapped! Eddie trusted Hen, Chim, and his other 118 fellows with his life, but not Buck's! If Eddie was not there to watch his back…

But there was no work incident, and Eddie tried to think back to when he left the fire station if he had missed anything when he said goodbye to Buck since his boyfriend had three more hours of work before he was allowed to go back to his apartment.

“I try, but sometimes they are too hardheaded for their own good,” Cap protested I good spirits, bringing Eddie back to the present.

“He was fine when I left,” Eddie insisted.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. He didn’t say anything when I kissed him and wished…”

Eddie snapped his mouth shut and would have slapped his forehead just for good measure, but enough with the clichés for today.

He wished Buck a good weekend! Eddie didn't remember when was the last time they hadn't spent at least a few hours together on the weekend. He would see Buck for a few minutes tomorrow when he dropped Chris off at his apartment, but it wouldn't be the same.

_I just miss you, boyfriend._

“Oh, shi… shoot! I mean, shoot.”

Athena rolled her eyes and patted Eddie on his shoulder as she moved past him.

“Go get your man, Eddie,” she advised from over her shoulder, disappearing down the hall.

He looked at Bobby in search of… God, what else did he need?

“You know she has a point, right?”

“I promised him I would figure things out… I can’t just-“

“Why not?”

“I have to…”

“Haven’t you?” Cap gently pushed again.

Hadn’t he?

Eddie felt his lips wobbling, his cheeks flushing, and the beginnings of contentment that was all warmth and certainty.

Hadn’t he?

“Just go, Eddie.”

Eddie threw hasty goodbyes to the kids and pulled Chris into a tight embrace, telling his son to be good and that he loved him.

“You really should go, dad. My Buck has been left alone for too long.”

Eddie didn't know whether he meant the plush or the flesh and blood version of his boyfriend, but either way, his kid was right.

Their Buck had been alone for too long.

This time, when Eddie rushed up the stairs, he knew where he was going. And as he threw open the door to his truck, another piece of the puzzle fell back into place.

_The door has always been open. Eddie._

Eddie’s hadn’t. His had been locked for so long, any attempt at opening it now would bring more noise than light, but Eddie had to try. And although he didn’t know how to, he was keen on taking whatever time Buck was willing to spare learning, a crack at a time.

A crack at a time.

He fired up the engine of his truck, and as he navigated the quiet streets of Bobby and Athena’s neighborhood, he connected his Bluetooth to the familiar number.

It only took one ring for the beloved voice to float inside the cabin.

“Eddie? What is this? Are you okay? Is Chris…”

“Can I come over?”

“But you said…”

“I know, but can I, mi amor? Please?”

A heartbeat of silence, just long enough for Eddie to turn another corner and hope.

“Always, mi novio. My door will always be open to you.”

Relief washed all over him. He could fly.

“Mine too, mi amor,” he whispered, intending to share and make Buck feel as loved. “Will you help me?”

Eddie could feel the understanding, love, and acceptance coming into waves inside his car.

“Hurry. I’ll be waiting.”

Eddie did, a thread from going over the speed limit, and once he reached Buck’s building, he hurried up the stairs to the right floor, not bothering with snail-slow elevators.

And as promised, Buck was waiting for him outside with a smile and his door wide open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think now Eddie is finally getting it.  
> Thank you for taking time to read my little story.  
> Be safe, guys!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> Another chapter I had to break because it was getting too long. I hope you guys enjoy it.

“I think... you can take… that shower now,” Eddie panted, kissed-bruised lips tasting the salt gathered along the damp skin of Buck’s forehead.

“You sure?” Buck gasped while brushing a kiss on the equally sweaty skin of Eddie’s neck. “Last time you told me this… you didn’t even let me roll out of bed.”

“Last time… I forgot… I am reaching the wrong side of thirty.”

“Recovery time… worked just fine… the first couple of times, old man.”

“Who’s not… respecting their elders now, junior?”

Buck panted a soft laugh and Eddie had to hold on tight to his ass as he wiggled in Eddie’s lap.

“Hey!”

“Shower, Diaz… you have to let go.”

“Not yet,” Eddie demanded, lowering Buck’s head back to his shoulder, aware that he had gone completely soft inside of Buck, but still not ready to part ways with him, not after so long without feeling the way Buck’s chest expanded and contracted against his own as they tried to catch their breath, Buck surrounding him from inside and out. They could stick together for a little while longer.

Buck relented and they rested in silence for a while, too exhausted to keep teasing each other. Seniority or not, Eddie took pride in the way he had wrecked Buck from the moment he had kicked the door to the loft closed and dragged Buck up the stairs, bumping on the furniture and losing their clothes as they made their way to bed.

He had meant for them to talk first. They really needed to talk, but seeing Buck waiting for him at the door in sweats and a t-shirt, his body still moisty and hair still damp from the shower he had just taken and exhaling the musky essence of the soap Eddie loved simply because it was the one he came to associate to Buck and intimacy led Eddie to throw caution through the window and let the wet rustle of roaming hands and eager lips hum desperate promises of forever along every inch of Buck’s bare skin.

Now Eddie could see how much of a caveman he had been during their first time that night: pushing Buck to bed and rolling him on his stomach, ripping the drawer in the bedside table open and pulling out the bottle of lube, matching Buck’s franticness inch by inch as Eddie stretched him open before entering him, capitulating to his insistence that he was ready and for Eddie to go deeper, faster, harder.

Eddie winced just by remembering how rough – and loud – things had gotten.

Shit! They were used to things getting less than delicate between the two of them, with both being young and male, but they were also not used to being in a dry spell that had been getting into its fourth week. There was no way Eddie hadn’t hurt him.

“Hey. Did I hurt you? You know, the first time?”

“You’re concerned now about a thing that happened forever ago, boyfriend?” Buck asked back with too much cockiness for someone who had been debauched not once nor twice, but three times by a man six years his senior.

Okay, being fair, this last time Buck had done most of the hard work, sucking Eddie awake and mounting his dick for a performance that had rendered Eddie breathless with arousal and incoherent moans while Buck rode him dry.

Shit, the things Buck could do with those hips!

“Idiota,” Eddie laughed. “You know what I mean. And it hasn’t been so long.”

“Going on for almost two years now, Diaz,” Buck reminded him with a naughty smile. “More than enough time for you to have learned how much I dig the feeling of you. Lasting less than five minutes was just a minor setback. No worries, boyfriend.”

“Way to bruise a man’s ego, mi novio.”

“Don’t. You more than made up for it later, and then again.”

“Well, I aim to please.”

“Lucky me, you deliver good too, boyfriend,” Buck leered back at him. “Every single time.”

Resting more comfortably against the pillows lining the makeshift bed headboard, Eddie smiled and closed his eyes satisfied with the compliment he had got.

Although this last round of lovemaking had been playful and sensual with lots of teasing and shared laughter, they had first physically reconnected with a bang and a fuck. Fast and dirty, there was no other name to it, and while it had lacked in duration, there had been nothing to complain about its intensity once they got things going and to the point of no return. Eddie may or may not have blanked for a minute or two, only coming back to his senses when Buck tried to jiggle his way around to check on him.

But their second time…

Oh, their second time…

Quoting Cap – and he really shouldn’t be thinking about Cap when there was so much of his fluids still inside of Buck – their second time that night should become a new definition for lovemaking in any decent dictionary.

To an outsider, it may have sounded like a cliché song, but for Eddie, anything that wasn’t inside the four walls of that apartment had ceased to exist the moment Buck had woken up to the butterfly kisses Eddie was fluttering down the column of his nape, along his shoulder blades, before turning on his back to smile up at Eddie, sleepy and flushed, tired, fighting lethargy to once again welcome the weight of Eddie back on top of him and between his spread legs.

They had given each other all they had, never holding back and taking their time kissing, feeling, letting the dance of their bodies and the heat coming from the friction of their skins, pressed so close together there was no space for air between them, whisper pledges of love words alone would not convey, not when they still had so much to tell each other.

Anchored by their fisted hands, their tightly entwined fingers laying on the mattress beside Buck’s head while Buck matched the easy, careful rhythm Eddie had set by the canting of his hips in search of that right, sweet spot inside of Buck, lost in sensation and in the way Buck had fought to keep his eyes open only because Eddie with a susurrus of his name had begged him to because Eddie had needed to find in the blue of Buck’s eyes any semblance of trust they had always shared in moments like this…

_That_ was his everything, his forever with this man.

And he found what he had been looking for in the tears Buck had shed when Eddie kissed the palm of the hand Buck had used to touch the smile and wipe the tears on Eddie’s face.

God, how Eddie loved him.

“Hey, boyfriend, still with me?”

“Always,” he said, opening his eyes to the beauty that was Buck touching his face again and smiling softly at him.

“I can’t believe you’re here with me.”

“I can’t believe you took me back,” he replied, matching the tenderness and awe he heard coming from Buck. “Thank you, mi amor.”

“Don’t thank me for something I haven’t done, Eddie.”

“Of course you have… we’re here, stuck together…”

“Who’s the idiot now?” Buck asked against his lips. “And as much as I love being stuck with you, we stink and do need to shower…"

“Yay!”

“…separately, have something to eat, because you’ve kept me from dinner and I’m starving.”

“I fed you.”

“An apple and a bottle of water. It was hours ago, and I had to share them with you.”

“Sorry?”

“No, you’re not.” They kissed again. “And we need to talk, Eddie.”

The dreaded four-word-sentence.

_We need to talk_.

Eddie crossed his arms behind Buck’s back and pulled him closer. With the movement, he finally slipped out of Buck and had to hide his nose on the crock of Buck’s neck to inhale him better, to somehow keep Buck with him for a bit longer. As much as he knew everything that happened tonight could be a new beginning for them, Eddie was afraid he would screw things up again if he couldn’t find the words to tell Buck everything he needed to hear.

“We could talk in the morning, mi amor.”

“It’s almost three in the morning, Eddie,” Buck gently pointed out with a soothing kiss to his forehead.

_A few more hours, then_ , he wanted to implore with very little shame. However, he knew it wouldn’t be fair to Buck. Restless, impatient, _insecure_ Buck who had already waited for so long to have the warmth this thin sliver of light coming from the door Eddie had just cracked open fall upon him.

He nodded against Buck’s chin, and in silence he watched Buck roll away from him and use the edge of the sheets to wipe his stomach, the inside of his legs and pelvis.

Buck hissed and cursed as he stood up but was smiling when he turned to face Eddie. His pale torso and neck were marred with so many hickeys and love bites, every single time Eddie had to commit to memory all over again how beautiful and breathtaking Buck would get carrying the aftermath of Eddie’s love.

“I can’t feel my legs and my ass burns,” he complained, breaking the spell he had cast over Eddie without even knowing.

“We could have traded places.”

“Digging the feeling of you, boyfriend,” Buck reminded him with a boyish smile. “Wanna have the first shower while I make us something to eat? I was thinking tomato soup.”

“Tomato soup is fine, and no, you go first and then we eat together,” Eddie instructed, making a monumental effort to leave the bed, wobble his way to Buck and pull his head down for another kiss. “I’ll see what I can do for this place and to save your sheets. No promises, though.”

“Don’t mind the sheets. The good ones are… at your place, anyway.”

_And soon you will be back there, too_ , Eddie promised with the silent, wet warmth of another kiss.

“Go. I’ll make the bed and get the ingredients for the soup.”

“Just get the ingredients and don’t start anything in my kitchen, Diaz.”

“There will come the day when you and that kid of ours will see that I’m not a total tool in the kitchen.”

Okay, totally wrong of him to bring their kid into this conversation while standing naked with his boyfriend whose tongue was currently trying to find and bring back to life the tonsils Eddie had removed at eleven.

“I’d better take that shower,” Buck said gasping for air when he let Eddie go. Eddie too felt a little dizzy. He had to find out what he had done in order to keep earning kisses like this.

“Give me a couple of minutes to use the bathroom first.”

“Sure, go ahead. I’ll get clean sheets.”

Eddie peed, washed his hands and face, and brushed his teeth. A closer look into the mirror showed that his skin, although darker than Buck’s, was an equal mess of mottled red and purple hickeys. And he had to work tomorrow, damn.

He damped the hand towel hanging by the sink and came out of the bathroom wiping some of the come and sweat almost seven hours of lovemaking and two short naps had produced.

Buck had dropped the bundle of soiled sheets and comforter on the floor and left on the bed a clean set of bedding and a couple of towels Eddie had no recollection of seeing before.

“Bathroom is all yours.”

“I’ll be out in ten.” He winced as he walked to the bathroom. “No, make it twenty. God knows how much mess I’ll have to dig out of myself.”

“I could help.”

“Thanks, but no, thanks.”

“I’ll be here waiting, then.”

Buck smiled at him and disappeared behind the closed door.

Eddie made the bed and brought all the dirty bedding downstairs with him to collect the clothes they had scattered everywhere. Without bothering with his underwear, he pulled on his flannel and Buck’s sweatpants, then headed to the kitchen to cut the tomatoes and leave what he knew Buck would need for the soup on the counter, as well as another sliced apple and bottle of water.

With nothing else left to do, he started pacing the room, waiting for Buck to finish his shower, so he could have his and they could… talk.

Rationally Eddie knew it was necessary; he just wasn’t very good at it.

In fact, he wasn’t _any_ good at it, and he feared he would say the wrong thing again and blow to shit all the progress they had made these last few weeks.

He needed the calming presence of his son.

Eddie looked for his phone everywhere inside the loft, then mentally kicked himself when he realized that in his frenzy to come back to Buck, he had left it along with his wallet in the truck.

Hell!

Since he had to go outside, he decided to take the bedding with him and run a load in the laundry room in the basement.

He traded his flannel for the T-shirt he had ripped from Buck and added his clothes and their underwear to the dirty pile. Then he got the detergent and the bag of quarters from under the sink, his keys, and shouted to Buck where he was going. He wasn't sure buck had heard him, but he would be back in ten minutes tops.

The silence in the building was broken by the ding of the elevator when it got to Buck’s floor and again when it reached the basement. The light to the laundry room was on, and whoever was awake and in the basement at that time was up to no good.

Eddie hesitated for a second, then he decided it would be less trouble to make noise and announce his presence than going with the alternative of going back upstairs, leave his things in the hall, then going to his car to get his things and carry everything back to the apartment.

Well, at least the couple making out against the dryer had time to straighten up their clothes and return an awkward greeting at Eddie and smile.

“Sorry. I will just…” Eddie said, pointing to the washer on the far corner of the room.

“it’s cool, man, no worries,” the guy said, tying his dreads back into a low ponytail while his girlfriend finger-combed her hair back in place. “Couldn’t sleep, so we thought it would be better to make good use of the time. We’re just about finished.”

Eddie nodded with another awkward smile and started sorting his things.

Behind him, the couple was quietly talking to each other with the occasional giggle. Eddie paid them no mind, more concerned with the sheets. To say he and buck had ruined them would be an understatement.

A hiss and hushed _Gigi_ , more giggling and an amused “Excuse me, sir,” made Eddie turn back to them.

“Yes?” he was cautious in reply, not to sound hostile, but hoping it wouldn’t become a conversation of sorts.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the girl - Gigi? – said. “I’ve been living here for a couple of months and I don’t remember seeing you before.”

“Oh, that’s because I don’t live here. I’m visiting my boyfriend.”

“I live on the fifth floor. Perhaps I know him.”

“He lives on the fourth.”

“Buck? You’re Buck’s boyfriend?” She smiled delightedly at him and the boyfriend snorted. “One of the apartments is empty and the other two are rented to couples. He’s the only guy living by himself on that floor,” she rushed to add, perhaps afraid of what Eddie would think.

“Oh, yeah. You, ah, know him?”

“He helped with some of the furniture when we moved her in," the boyfriend said.

“Also his parking space is next to mine, and I live directly upstairs from him.”

“Ah, yeah, he told me he had helped some new neighbors.”

“So you must be Eddie,” she said, getting red in the face and biting her lips. Not to flirt, or so it seemed; something alarming all the same. “We’ve… heard of you.”

Boyfriend hoisted up their laundry basket and burst out laughing. Eddie almost took offense and was about to get into some good verbal spat with the little shits when he got the hang of what they were saying and wished the floor would swallow him whole.

They had heard them!

“Oh, shit, man! I’m-“

"Hey, man, it's fine," the boyfriend said, trying to get himself under control. "It’s a loft building, lots of young people here. It happens.”

“Just, please, let us get some sleep now,” Gigi said, pulling her boyfriend to the door and waving goodbye.

Eddie added the necessary quarters to the machine and breezed out of there before another tenant they had kept awaked found their way to the basement.

It took him a couple of minutes to get his things from the car and another couple to go back to Buck's, mercifully without running into anyone else.

“Mi amor,” he called out locking the door behind him. “Perhaps you should avoid the fifth floor for the time being-“

And forgot whatever he was going to say next because Buck was sitting all huddled up on the steps to the small veranda in the apartment.

He looked up startled, eyes red, lips moving without making a sound.

“Mi amor, what happened?” Eddie ran to crouch before him and take both of Buck’s hands in his. “Did someone call? Christopher…”

“Where were you, Eddie?” Buck was almost sobbing. “Your clothes were not here, neither your wallet nor your phone… You, you were gone, and I had no idea where to.”

“I was downstairs, mi amor. I had left my wallet and phone in the truck and went there to get them back.”

“Took you this long?”

“No! I took the bedding to the laundry room first and got distracted talking to your neighbors.”

“I didn’t know where you were.”

“I told you where I was going.”

“The bathroom is upstairs, Eddie.” He almost fell on his behind with the sudden move Buck made to stand up. “The shower was on! Did you really think I would hear you?” 

“Buck, come on,” Eddie tried to reason with him, getting on his feet. “Where would I go at three in the morning?”

“I don’t know! Home?”

“And why would I go back to an empty house if you, my home, is here?” he asked so quietly he feared Buck hadn’t heard him.

But he had. He stopped and turned to face Eddie again. Eddie saw it as his chance to reach out and-

“Because I’m exhausting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don't hate me!  
> They are currently talking - I swear! But I was reaching 5k words and they wouldn't stop, so I had to stop them because I have papers to grade. Sorry.  
> I'll thank you again for the feedback and kudos, guys! They make my day.  
> Thank you so much for reading and for sticking with me. I'll do my best to have the next chapter up by next weekend.  
> Be safe, guys, and take care.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbetaed, but I hope it makes sense.

In the '50s, Eddie's _abuelo_ had started their small family business in El Paso: a micro-metallurgical factory that supplied nails, screws, and wires to the local business and other larger companies in the Diaz homeland.

Abuelo ran the business until the early '80s before retiring to enjoy a quieter life with abuela in the sunny house with the insanely huge backyard Eddie, his sisters, and cousins would spend a week of their summer vacation running around and playing havoc. Whereas abuela would glow with each hug and kiss from them kids, abuelo would mask his resignation with lots of fond grumpiness.

Abuela had lived for that week of chaos; abuelo had sucked it up and put up with _el desorden de tu nietos, Isabel,_ because, grumpiness and everything, in his own way he had lived for abuela.

It was during one of those vacations, little short before abuelo passed, that Eddie, then the youngest of the kids, and designed minion to his sisters’ and cousins’ whims, had pulled the shortest straw when all of them should be in bed and sleeping to sneak into the kitchen and supply the older kids with some of the leftover corn griddle cakes abuela had fed them that afternoon.

Eddie may not always have wanted to, but as the youngest, he had had to suck it up and do as he was told. He owed his stealth skills so useful during his stint in the military to these midnight runs.

That night, hidden in the narrow space between the kitchen door and the cherry china cupboard in the dining room, he had caught his grandparents in the kitchen, talking in rushed voices about the factory and aunt Pepa.

Out of his three kids, with her sharp eye for numbers and no-nonsense attitude, aunt Pepa was the one with the best head for business, as she had later on proved by helping her husband run their successful landscaping business in LA. She would have been perfect for the job once abuelo retired, but thick-headed abuelo defined her talent by the _s_ that made her a _she_ instead of a _he_ and passed the business to Eddie’s dad and uncle.

Aunt Pepa had just been her father’s daughter; suck it up, pack her bag, and go thrive four states over had been the only option she had left.

Eddie didn’t remember the exact words - after all, he had more pressing matters to be worried about, like being caught – but the heavy darkness he had heard in abuelo’s words as covered abuela’s hands with his and questioned the wisdom of his decisions was something Eddie would carry with him for a long time.

Abuelo had driven their only daughter away.

After moving to LA with Christopher and temporarily living with abuela until they got settled in the new city, Eddie learned that abuela had not supported her husband’s decision. As just the wife; she had had to suck it up and accept abuelo’s decision without saying anything.

Eddie’s dad was shaping fate to have history repeat with his children.

_“You have to pay attention and learn, mijo. One day it will be you taking over my place, and everything in here is going to be yours.”_

_Everything_ was the loud noises coming from the machines that made Eddie too uncomfortable as the young kid he had been when his father took him to the business, pointed to each workstation and described every what/how/why of the things going on, so proud for having his son there with him.

If during those visits his dad had led him by the hand and not by the nape of his neck, he would have learned Eddie had wanted no part in the business.

The same courtesy and plans for the future were never extended to Adri or Sofi, and yet his sisters were not about to suck it up and take the backseat concerning their life plans.

While his dad insisted and Eddie refused, the twins had gone to college and earned their degrees in business (Adri) and designing engineering (Sofi). They graduated, joined the business, and even their dad had to agree and accept how much it was flourishing under their supervision.

Due to his big sisters’ tenacity, protection and determination, Eddie learned sucking up was the kind of bullshit he would never have to abide to. Not anymore and never again.

He became his own person, and as such he had to learn how to make do, be independent, and say a big fuck and screw you to anything or anyone that tried to show him otherwise.

Eddie was no stranger to sucking it up nor to being exhausting.

_‘Cause you’re exhausting._

The reason why he was well aware Buck was more versed in the former than in the latter.

*****

“Because I’m exhausting.”

A well-aimed punch to knock him off his feet would have packed less heat than hearing Buck professing those words to unequivocally justify Eddie walking away from him.

_‘Cause you’re exhausting._

But throwing punches was not Buck’s style; it was Eddie’s. If ever, Buck would do it only once, inadvertently. Having his words thrown back at him sounded dangerously like that punch to Eddie.

What was worse, and twice as much alarming, was that Buck hadn’t said it in anger. All that was left in the way he flexed the words was resignation like he expected Eddie would do and think exactly the same.

Because that was exactly what Eddie had made him believe.

At this point Eddie knew if he didn’t get things right, if he didn’t think, consider, and then think again before speaking, it could be the end of them.

He was terrified.

But he would get it right because he was a selfish, greedy fucker who loved Buck so damn much, there was no way in hell he would let Buck walk away from him again.

“Mi amor-“

“I, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have insisted for us to talk. You’re right, it’s late. Let’s just have something to eat and talk in the morning as you wanted. Or when you’re ready.”

“Mi amor-“

“I, I promised there would be no time limit, Eddie.”

“Buck-“

“I can wait. I’m sorry.”

“Buck, don’t!”

Eddie stepped ahead and extended his hand to wipe at the tears gathering in the corner of Buck’s eyes. He had known Buck for going on three years now, almost half of this time intimately, and he had never seen Buck shed so many tears as he had these past few weeks.

“Shh,” Eddie breathed, their faces so close his lips brushed Buck’s. “Please, mi amor, stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I’m making it about me again,” Buck said, lowering his forehead to Eddie’s. “I promised-“

“I know what you promised, mi amor. And I know what _I_ promised _you_. Do you remember?” Buck nodded and Eddie took the opportunity to brush another kiss against his lips. “I promised I would figure it out. I’m here because I think I finally have. And for that, for what I did, I would need another couple of lifetimes with you to make it up to you for my stupidity, mi amor.”

Buck kissed him again and smiled. “Another couple of lifetimes with me? Would you?”

“And another and another, mi amor,” Eddie promised with another kiss. “But the only way I see it happening is if we talk.”

“But you’re not ready.”

"You are, Buck. And this is as much about you as it is about me. I don't know if, in the end, you will still have any reason to want me, but I have to find a way to trust what we have, right?”

"I can trust this for the two of us. Eddie."

“I know you can, mi amor. That’s what you’ve been doing from the start, and you shouldn’t have to. And now… now I’d rather you taught me how to do this too. Because I trust you, Buck, I really do, I swear.” He took a step back and held Buck’s hands between his, bringing them up to his lips. “But I don’t know how much I trust myself with something this big and important. You know me, Buck. You know how fucked up I can be.”

“Yes, I do,” Buck agreed and lifted his hand to stop another round of Eddie’s self-deprecation session. “I can only hope you also know I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t know how loyal and noble, how loving you can also be. Yeah, you can screw things up royally. But so can I, boyfriend. Still, I trust us to do better, Eddie.”

“And do you think that’s a good place for us to start over?”

“I don’t know about starting over. But I believe it can be the best place for us to move on from where we’re standing right now,” Buck assured him. “And from there I’ll help with anything you need, boyfriend. I’m not giving up on us if you’re not, Eddie. You and Christopher are my everything.”

“And you are ours, mi amor. So many things I could have told you that day.” Eddie smiled ruefully. “I should have told you how much I had come to depend on you, on your friendship, on the peace and happiness you’ve brought into Christopher’s life and mine. And instead…”

Instead, he had acted like a fucking asshole who blamed everything shitty happening in his life on the man who even at that time he had already been beyond reason in love with.

“You and Chris mean the same to me, Eddie.”

“I was so fucking lost without you, Buck, it was no wonder I almost ended up jobless and in jail.”

“Almost,” Buck teased with a smile.

“it was just for one night and the charges were dropped.”

“One month, Diaz! One month. How much trouble could you get yourself into?”

“I don’t know. Get my ass arrested? Join a fight club? Be a jackass?”

They laughed, but then got serious again when Eddie cupped the side of Buck’s neck and looked straight into his eyes.

“I need you to pay attention to what I’m going to tell you now, mi vida.”

“Eddie…”

“Please.”

In the millisecond it took Buck to whisper his agreement, Eddie offered a small prayer to God, asking for guidance, strength, and wisdom to convert into words his fears, his regret, and the love he felt because, in the end, if he wanted to have Buck as his equal in everything, he would have to trust himself to act and protect what they had.

“You are not exhausting,” he tried, the metallic taste of fear reverberating in each of his chosen words. “You have never been, and God knows the string of bad decisions I made after I told you that shit because you were not there to make me see reason.”

In Buck’s tentative smile, Eddie found tiny bits of inspiration to do it again with a bit more confidence, to turn into words all the things he had always been better at conveying with actions – and even those with limited success.

 _Trust, act, and protect what we have_.

“You are not exhausting. You are the most loving, selfless, beautiful human being I've ever met. The best friend, the best lover, and the best father figure I could have asked for our kid."

“Eddie-“

“I didn’t deserve you then, and I don’t think I deserve you know, Buck. But I swear to God, mi amor, I will fight all my fears and insecurities, all my shit to be worthy of the man you are.”

Eddie grabbed both of Buck’s hands again to bring them up to and kiss each open palm.

It was Buck’s turn to cup Eddie’s face and wipe the corner of his eyes of the tears he hadn’t even noticed were falling. They mirrored Buck’s.

“I don’t need or want a perfect partner, Eddie. I just want _you_ , flaws and everything, because without them you would be boring as hell.”

“By now I think you should be telling me you loved me too instead of firing up insults.”

“You know that already. But you are right. I do need things from you.”

“Anything, Buck.”

Buck smiled cheekily and pushed Eddie away, turning him towards the stairs.

“For starters, I need you to go upstairs and shower, Diaz. You stink.”

Eddie laughed. “And whose fault is that you exhausting sexy beast?” he asked, voice strangled and relief washing over him, he turned around to kiss Buck one last time. “I’ll be right back. I love you.”

“Take your time. There’s a lot to do down here.”

Eddie agreed and headed upstairs, taking Buck's words for all the truth they carried.

_There’s a lot to process. Stay close but give me some time and space. Take this chance to do the same._

Torn between hurrying the fuck up and giving Buck the time Eddie knew he needed, the shower was relatively short. However, he didn’t go back downstairs right away. He straightened up the bathroom and the loft after changing into the clothes Buck had left for him. The boxers and sweatpants still had their price tags on them.

When he was done, he sat at the top of the stairs and watched Buck move around the kitchen with a tea towel thrown on his shoulder. The spices filling up the air with the flavors waiting to explode in their mouths were making Eddie’s stomach rumble almost painfully.

“I could do with some help here if you’re done staring, Diaz.”

“I’ll help, but don’t you ever expect me to be done staring at you, mi amor. Not gonna happen,” he shot back, coming down the stairs.

Eddie opened drawers and cabinets to get bowls, spoons, napkins, and glasses, setting everything side by side on the counter. He also got a couple of beers from the fridge and the garlic and parmesan toast from the oven before opening one of the bottles and handing it to Buck.

“What else do you need me to do?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer and stealing a slice of the apple he had cut.

“We have the toast, but would you mind making a grilled cheese for us to share?”

“On it.”

They worked side by side with Eddie assembling and grilling the sandwich while Buck stirred the soup, adding little bits of milk and condiment to it.

“See if it needs more salt or anything,” he instructed, lifting the spoon to Eddie’s lips.

“For me it’s perfect. The sandwich is about done, too.”

“Okay, all set. You made me work an appetite. And quit being smug about it, Diaz.”

Soup ladled and cups filled with water, they got their beers and sat to eat with a safe distance between them: no elbows touching nor the welcoming distraction of a stray hand resting on one of their tights. Also no other sound, but for the occasional tinkle of a spoon hitting the inside of the porcelain bowls or the crunching sound of the toast breaking between Buck’s teeth. Eddie favored dipping his in the creamy soup and then shake it once or twice to get rid of the excess before biting into it.

“What?” he asked when he noticed Buck smiling softly at him. “Anything on my face:”

“Just the usual perfection,” Buck said, reaching for his half of the grilled cheese. “It’s just… Chris does that too.”

“Chris does what?”

“Dips his toast in the soup.”

“Ah, that,” Eddie smiled. “Actually, I started doing it to help him.”

“How come?”

"Short before we moved here, he went through a phase of not wanting croutons in his soup. We switched to toast, but then he would get upset and throw a tantrum for soiling the table or the plate mat, so I taught him this little trick.”

“Chris throwing a tantrum?” Buck snorted, clearly not believing Eddie.

Make him believe would hurt. But, well, that was the main reason they were sharing a meal at three-thirty in the morning.

“It started when he realized Shannon was taking too long to come back. And I guess being stuck with the guy his only real memories came from distant video calls with the sound of chopters or bombs being dropped in the background didn’t help much.”

From his part, Eddie munched on the soggy piece of toast and pondered with some disbelief of his own whether this would be a good place to start sharing with Buck the whole story and all the others that came after this one.

He sucked at sharing, and right now sharing would lead to making himself vulnerable to Buck’s judgment. Eddie wasn’t one to keep appearances for its sake. Quite the opposite: he added layers and layers of whatever emotion was necessary to keep himself strong: sarcasm, indifference, cautiousness, anger, you name it. Knowing you would never be enough to so many people, in so many circumstances lowered one’s expectation about themselves.

His goal for life since Shannon had announced her pregnancy had been their son.

And now, after so long, Buck was sitting beside him and looking at him without any expectation because that was what Eddied needed.

Buck deserved better, and so did Chris.

And so, perhaps, did Eddie.

“After I came back, for a while soup was all I could afford with the military compensation and the one job I had gotten. Soon I had to find two more jobs to pay the bills and improve our grocery list.”

Eddie got another spoonful of soup, grateful for the comfort food Buck had made. Going through that fork down the road of memory lane in Eddie’s and Christopher’s lives was no cakewalk.

And Buck… Buck waited. In his silence and with his solid presence offered the kind of support Eddie was seeking: his attention, his ears, his strength.

But not his eyes. And for that, too, Eddie was grateful.

However, it was Eddie’s call and he had never been good at keeping the show going on and the plot flowing, He had never been a good teller of his own stories – talking meant revealing.

"I've failed him in everything, Buck, but not financially. Never financially. I went to war and had three jobs after I came back so I wouldn’t have to add another failure to my list.”

But for them, Eddie had to keep trying.

“Shannon was pregnant, and I needed to make sure I could provide for them. Enlisting seemed to be the perfect solution. They would get a steady paycheck and health benefits while I was away, and if I died… If I had died, they should be fine, too.” Buck flinched next to him but said nothing. “It had been the beginning of the end of my marriage.”

He chanced a glance at Buck. Any other day, Buck would have looked back at him and smiled. Today Eddie was grateful Buck’s focus made of twisted lips and teardrops hanging in the edge of his eyelids had diverged away from him.

“I used to have nightmares, you know?” he continued. “After the war, I used to dream of death, of all the people I couldn’t save. And yet, not even my worst nightmare had gotten me prepared to the reality of my wife leaving me.”

“I mean,” he snorted. “Leaving me made perfect sense. She had signed up for a husband and got a different one even before I left for the war. Leaving me was expected. But leaving our kid?” He snorted again and a tear fell. “I wanted to blame her for everything, Buck, but I couldn’t. I had left first.”

“To care for them, Eddie.”

“Maybe, but I shouldn’t have shut her out. I should have talked to her. She was my _wife_.”

“They were your family. Desperate times and all that, you know?”

“Yes, I do. And still what good did it do to us? I lost them, Buck. I lost six years of my son’s life. I could have been killed…”

“But you weren't," Buck emphasized each of his words with a tightly closed fist knocking on the table. The idea of Eddie dying was a painful possibility shining as bright tears in Buck’s eyes. “You are here, Eddie. You’ve got him back.”

“If I hadn’t left…”

“But you did, Eddie. You did, it’s done. You said it was the best you could have done at that time. And you did it again when you came back and tried to make up to him by moving out here to start anew. You’ve been doing an amazing job.”

“Things got easier coming here. Not only financially, but with everything else, too. Getting to know my son, living close to abuela again, finding a new family within the 118.” Eddie smiled. “You.”

Eddie thought his confession would earn him another smile from Buck. Yet, he watched his boyfriend stand up and with stiff steps walk to the fridge to get another couple of beers. He uncapped the bottles, handed one to Eddie, and sat back at the counter without saying a word and Eddie wondered what he had done to upset him. Buck lived for these small praises Eddie was learning how to make because of him. For him. And now…

They drank because perhaps they had to be a little bit drunk for this conversation.

Eddie got his half of the now cold and tasteless sandwich, waiting for Buck to say something, anything. When he did, it was another well-aimed punch at Eddie’s gut. And all Buck had to do was whisper without looking at him.

“So why did you tell me that, Eddie? What you said… You took everything from me.”

“Buck, not trying to test your intelligence here, but do you really think I could, in any sense of the word, take Christopher from you?”

“You are his _dad_ , Eddie.”

“He was born my son, Buck. I’d die for him; I’d kill for him. Fuck, Buck, I _killed_ for him. I did everything I did for him,” he confessed, sniffing back a tear. “But to say that I’ve always been his dad… Shannon tried to warn me that what I was giving him wasn't enough. True to my nature, I didn’t listen to her. It took him so long to feel comfortable around me. I guess it took me longer to stop being terrified of him… And I also guess he has always known that.”

“He loves and trusts you, Eddie.”

“Yes, he does. But it doesn’t mean he has always loved me. Everything you know about Christopher has Shannon’s signature on it, Buck.” And damn, he was crying again. “It was so easy for him to accept you in his life. Trying to keep him from you would be the fastest way to drive him away from me again,” he sighed.

“If the day comes when you decide you’ve had enough of my bullshit, I swear I will make sure you will still be one of the most important people in his life, Buck. And it’s not just because I trust you or asked you to become his guardian after the tsunami. It’s because you’ve earned this place in his life, and I trust you to be there for him in case I can’t.”

“So, can’t you see he hasn’t been my kid since you introduced me to Carla, since he drew you his first card saying he loved you. Since you spent hours aimlessly looking for him in the middle of chaos?”

He added this last part looking at Buck, and once again, reality didn’t meet his expectations. It was not about Buck being grateful and pledging his undying love to Eddie.

Eddie had hoped he could give him back at least some of the hope and peace he saw fading from his eyes that night and that had been missing since. However, in its place, there was the same fear to let himself believe to once again get hurt and deal with the pain of betrayal. Eddie’s betrayal.

“So why, Eddie? What you did makes even less sense now.”

“Because I’m a fucking idiot with a sharp tongue when I feel confronted, Buck.”

“Confronted?” Buck repeated with a mix of confusion and disbelief. “Eddie, I was trying to be the partner I thought you wanted me to be. You made me _believe_ I could be.”

“Because you are, Buck.”

“I don’t feel like I am. Calling him ours doesn’t make him mine when you cannot trust me with what I need you to.”

“I do, Buck. How can you not believe me after everything I’ve just told you?”

“Because everything you said happened before the lawsuit. Before we got together.” Buck slumped down on his stool, elbows braced on the countertop and fists tightly pressed to his eyes. “I need to feel like I can be part of everything, Eddie. I need to believe I can be part of everything,”

“You are, Buck. Contrary to what you still think, I don’t hold the lawsuit against you.”

“You and I both know it’s not a hundred percent true, Eddie. We’ve talked forgiveness, but there is still a little bit of you fighting not to trust me with everything you have.”

“Yeah, we know.” Eddie looked down at the remains of soup in his bow. He couldn’t bear to watch his admission hurt Buck again. “Do I make you feel like an outsider looking in?”

“Not, not an outsider, because you let me get too close to the two of you, Eddie. You let me believe I could have something beyond… I don’t know…”

“Authority?”

“Yeah, I guess. He minds me, he listens to me, because you instilled it in him as his father that he could trust me. And I love you even more for that, Eddie, don’t get me wrong. But it too came before we started dating.”

_Please, Buck, not this. Please let me have something for myself._

“You’re right.”

“So if you trust me with his safety and well-being, why not with this, Eddie?”

“Buck-“

_Please, God…_

“It’s just money, Eddie.”

“It’s not! It’s me loving you so much, Buck, so fucking much that I have to keep this little bit of control over this, over what we have. Because so help me God, everything I have, everything else I am is yours to do as you please, Buck, and I have to keep something to myself because… if you ever leave… And, God, Buck, why wouldn’t you?... What will I have left, Buck?”

There, done. And Eddie was so pathetic the explosion he feared these words would come up from never happened. Eddie looked at Buck – they both deserved that much – and everything, this last bit of Eddie Buck had pleaded him to share, came wrapped up in so much love, so much passion and hopelessness and was unquestionably so raw and true Eddie was exhausted in the end.

As for Buck…

Buck was crying, red in the face and down his neck, with his lips pursed and shoulders shaking in silence, paper napkin staunching the snot running from his nose.

A complete, beautiful disaster.

And Eddie fell in love with him all over again.

“I’m sorry, Buck. You wanted the truth, and-“

“No, it’s fine,” he sobbed because it was anything but. “Thanks for telling me, but you are a fucking idiot, Eddie. A fucking idiot!”

“I think I loved you more when you were choking on your snot and couldn’t insult me.” Buck sobbed a laugh and threw the disgusting napkin at him.

Eddie handed him a new one. No hard feelings.

“Well, get used to it because I don’t know what else to call you if you think I could leave you!”

“People leave.”

“Not me. All I know what to do is stay. But you have to learn how to let me be there for you, Eddie.”

“You didn’t stay that night. And you haven’t come back yet,” Eddie said. It was already established he was an idiot, anyway.

“I left the house, not you. And going back, making it permanent, would mean sharing the bills and other responsibilities, financial responsibilities, with me.”

“Bobby told me it’s not only about paying for groceries…”

“Bobby had to tell you the obvious?”

“My wife left me, and you’ve just declared I’m an idiot. Did you really expect anything different?”

His shortcomings made Buck smile again. “We could figure out a few things together, Eddie. I need to feel like I can be your equal back home. I don’t wanna feel like I’m just a guest sharing your bed.”

“Is that how you’ve always felt?”

“No, just recently. And stop beating yourself. It’s my fault too. I should have put my foot down sooner.”

“Promise you will do it more often from now on.”

Buck smiled and covered Eddie’s hand with his.

“You’ve got a deal, boyfriend.” Eddie smiled once again bringing Buck’s hand up to his face to kiss his open palm. “You aware I was holding a napkin full of snot in this hand, right?”

“You’re telling this to the guy who often has your genitalia in his mouth.”

“Gross, boyfriend,” Buck complained, standing up and pulling Eddie onto his feet.

“But true, mi novio,” Eddie retorted smiling.

Buck came willingly into his arms. Eddie had come to experience the many different weight, flavors, heartbeats, and textures peace could bring, and they were all connected, all reshaped and redefined by the love he had for Buck.

“Are you ready to go to bed?” he asked against the crock of his boyfriend’s neck.

“Can we stay like this just for a little longer?”

 _For forever_ , Eddie wanted to promise him.

But having Buck cling to him in bed after they had cleaned up the kitchen and Eddie had ventured back down to the basement to put their laundry in the dryer was a good start.

 _The perfect start_ , Eddie thought, closing his eyes and holding onto the familiarity of Buck’s weight against his chest and of his heart beating against Eddie’s ribcage as they drifted off into sleep.

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update. It was a long, difficult chapter to write. I hope it answered at least some of your questions and doubts about Buck's insecurities. Truth is, Eddie is just as insecure. And I think he would have an even harder time coming to terms with what happened in the beginning of this fic.  
> Thanks for your kind feedback and kudos. They are very much appreciated and cherished, even if I'm terrible at replying to them. But believe me, they are loved <3  
> So let me know if it was worth the wait.  
> Take care and be safe.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit more of a conversation.

Two successive dings. Then another, and by the fourth one, Eddie’s sleepy mind identified the sound as the same emitted by his mobile.

Texting. Someone was texting him.

Must be Cap. Chris's sleepover.

Had anything happened, Cap would have called. Texting was good, meant his kid was okay, and that covered three-fourths of everything that mattered to Eddie this morning.

The remaining one-fourth was softly snoring in bed with him.

Eddie snuggled up closer to Buck’s back and nuzzled the nape of his neck before carefully rolling onto his back to reach over and grab his mobile on the nightstand behind him.

It was Cap, indeed. They hadn’t set a time for him to go and pick his kid up. Must be it.

_The boys had fun camping out._

_Still dead to the world._

_Chris is fine._

_I’ll call around 9:30_

Just in case, he reset his alarm to go off in thirty minutes and got himself back to one of his favorite positions while sleepy and in bed with Buck: plastered to Buck’s back, arm resting against Buck’s stomach, hand encircling Buck’s wrist and closed his eyes.

Eddie drifted in and out of sleep, lulled by the soft cadence of Buck’s breathing and by his warmth, contented for once again be sharing a peaceful morning in bed with him after their unquestionably necessary heart to heart last night – or early morning, to be more accurate.

It had been painful and scary being thrown in such a dark, cold place because of their insecurities and fear of losing each other, but also necessary and therapeutic, Eddie would say.

Uncomfortable, too revealing, and vital to set the foundation for the future Eddie wanted to share with Buck and no one else. Their future couldn’t be made just out of the good things – and there had been plenty of good things since they became serious and official.

However, a solid foundation required some amount of pain, too, because happiness and love were beautiful, but not strong enough to withstanding silences and misunderstandings that could fester into resentment so bitter and destructive to the point of driving two people in love apart.

Eddie was no stranger to this path, and he knew it would be a struggle to keep himself from repeating past mistakes. However, for Buck, for this and everything else they could live and experience together, Eddie would do more than try; he would commit himself, flaws, and everything else, to make them work.

They hadn’t said the words nor made any promises, but there was very little doubt in his heart that he too was Buck’s _it_ , that Eddie would be his last, just like Eddie knew Buck was his.

Cap said he could be greedy, so he would.

He would.

“It’s too early to be brooding, Diaz.”

Eddie blew a kiss against the shell of Buck’s ear just to feel him shiver. “Not brooding.”

Buck squirmed to turn around in his arms and tuck himself under Eddie’s chin.

“So would you stop your not-brooding and go back to sleep for another couple of hours?” he slurred after sucking another kiss on Eddie’s throat in a mean of retaliation.

“I can’t. Bobby will call in a few minutes.”

“That was him texting?”

“Yeah. Sorry, you heard?”

“Uh-huh. Everything okay?”

"Yeah. He probably just wants to set a time for us to pick Chris up. I mean… you coming with me?”

“Uh-huh,” Buck hummed and forced his way against Eddie’s body until he was lying flat in bed with Buck draped over him.

“Comfy enough?” Eddie chuckled, kissing the top of his head and silencing the alarm since they were both already awake.

“You make for a very satisfying pillow, boyfriend.”

“Glad I can be of service.”

“You are,” Buck agreed with a kiss on his chest, voice a little muffled by the T-shirt Eddie was wearing. “I’ve slept better these last few hours than in a whole month without you.”

“Me too, Buck. I’m glad we talked. I feel better now, less insecure about this whole thing.”

“Me too, Eddie. We needed this. I guess this break will do more good than harm in the end.”

“It was never a break, Buck.”

“No, you’re right. But it was hard leaving our comfort zone. Our lives are so intertwined, losing you and Chris would be like losing everything good going on for me. I’m so fucking glad it didn’t come to that.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Buck. Are you?”

“No. I could, but I don’t want to. No, it’s…” He braced his elbow on the bed and interlaced the fingers of his free hand with Eddie’s. “After our conversation, I feel like I don’t need to go anywhere, Eddie. It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“And neither do I, mi amor. So let’s be weird together, okay?”

“Okay.” Buck smiled and lowered his head for a quick kiss. “My forever.”

“Morning breath and all.”

Buck reached over Eddie to rummage around the nightstand drawer and came up triumphant with the bottle of mint spray they left there for when they wanted to fuck but were too lazy or too eager to brush their teeth first. There were a couple of bottles laying around the nightstand in their bedroom at home for the same reason.

“Problem solved.”

“Is this still good?”

Buck checked the expiration date.

“Yep! Open up.” He sprayed their mouths twice, then discarded the bottle back into the drawer. “Better now.”

“Let me see.” Eddie pulled Buck’s head down for a longer kiss, tongue and everything else involved. “Passable.”

“Romance killed by a mint spray.”

“Shut up and come here. I have to ask you something.”

Buck did, and they kissed some more until he lowered his head back to Eddie’s shoulder.

“Ask.”

“It’s about your lease.”

“What about my lease?”

“You still have about five months of it, right?”

“A little over four months, so, yeah.”

“And are you going to renew it?”

Buck usually moved away from Eddie when he needed to make a decision or communicate something he knew Eddie wouldn't agree with like the distance would make him strong and make his point.

So it caught Eddie totally by surprise when Buck said _‘yes’_ , loud and clear and without leaving Eddie’s embrace.

“Buck-“

“No,” Buck cut him off. “Just hear me out, okay?”

Without any other choice, Eddie agreed and waited.

“First I want to apologize to you. About last night. I shouldn’t have put so much pressure on you to talk to me, Eddie.”

“I had to talk to you at some point, Buck. It would be only fair.”

“Yeah, it would, but only when you were ready, Eddie. It was a hell of a confession to be made because I pushed you into doing it.”

“It was yours to have and hear it.”

“And it was yours to tell me just when you were ready to and comfortable with yourself to do so. I feel like I took it from you, and that’s not right.

“No time limit means no time limit and not no-time-limit-until-you-figured-things-out-and-came-back-to-me.”

“It’s done now, mi amor. I have no regrets about talking to you. You deserved to know the truth, Buck. And I did it for me too.”

"Are you sure? Are you okay with it? About what you said?"

“Okay, since we’re being honest…” Eddie released Buck from his embrace and turned onto his side, then waited for Buck to do the same. This was the kind of conversation that required, more than anything, that they could look at each other without any restriction.

“It was hard, Buck. Talking to you, I mean. But it was harder to realize what my words took from you. I… I think of Christopher as ours because I can’t see myself in any reality where you are not there to share with us all of his achievements. I wanna grow old with you.”

“I want it too, Eddie. I want to be with you and him every step of the way.”

“And I need you with me, mi amor, from beginning to end. But I’ll also need you to be patient with me.”

“I’ll need your patience, too, Eddie. Your insecurities… I understand them because they are mine too.”

“So why not face them together?”

"And who says we won't? Being in separate houses doesn't mean we are not together. This past month more than proved it.“

“Okay, you’re right. But will you renew your lease for another full year?”

“No, just for a few months, Eddie. Two or three months, no more than that. I have to make sure living with me is what you want."

“And why is that? Will you tell me why, because, Buck, I’ve literally begged you to come back home more than once.”

“That’s your home, Eddie,” Buck reminded him around a sad smile. “I have a lease on this place. You have a mortgage over at yours. I was homeless once, living out of favor with Chim and my sister after Abby left me. This place was all I had after Ally left me. Can you see the pattern here?”

“I guess I can, but I’m not them.”

“No. You’re the one who I’ll never get over if you ever leave. It’s one thing when you say you won’t, and it’s another totally different one when you start sharing more than a bed and the groceries with me. I want the bills and the joint account, too, Eddie. And the school field trip fees and the college tuition that will leave us broke and penniless, but so proud to see our boy getting his degree to become whatever he wants.”

“Actually, his college is taken care of with Shannon’s insurance and the military benefits.”

“it is?”

“Yes, but it is good to know you’re willing to go through extreme poverty and lifelong debts with me.”

“Of course I am, Eddie. But I’m afraid to say that right now you’re not ready for all of this.”

“It’s not you, Buck,” he said, too ashamed to agree with Buck, but relieved for not detecting any shade of anger or disappointment in his words. There was only love and understanding.

"I know," Buck said, kissing him. "And would you believe me if I said that I'm fine with it? You said you needed me to teach you, Eddie. But truth is, we can both learn together how to trust all this despite our insecurities. We’re not going anywhere, remember?”

“And in the meantime?”

“In the meantime, my cardboard boxes will stay right there, waiting for us to be less idiotic about this whole thing. And… would you mind if I spent the afternoon at the house with Christopher? I can only guess the shape our flowerbed is.”

“No, of course not. But you will not be spending the night, right?”

“No, not right now. But you and Chris can come back here and spend the night with me. What do you say?”

“Yes, of course. But will you ever at least come to stay with us for a while? The house is not the same without you.”

“I will. Just not right now, okay? Let’s give ourselves a little bit more time about what we told each other.”

“Is it really necessary? 

“Yes, boyfriend.”

“Love is complicated,” Eddie mused around a smile.

“Ah, but the perks of make-up sex.”

Eddie laughed as Buck rolled him onto his back and went for his shirt.

“We never broke up.”

“Reaffirming sex, then. I don’t care, as long as I have your dick back inside of me.”

“I can do that.”

Eddie could, but of course, their life was a fucking cliché, because that was the exact moment the phone rang.

“Ignore it,” Buck said, fumbling with his own t-shirt.

“I can’t. It’s Bobby,” Eddie said, pushing Buck away from him and getting his phone.

“Okay. You have two minutes before I start making things awkward for you and me both. You know I have Bobby as a father figure.”

“Please, no daddy jokes about Bobby.”

“Two minutes, Diaz!”

Eddie rolled away and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Hey, Cap, good morning.”

_“Hi, Eddie. Everything okay with you and Buck?”_

“Yeah, we’re, we’re good. I’m at his.”

_“I’m glad to hear that, Eddie. I’d hate to learn that all my hard work filling up paperwork for the two of you would go to waste.”_

“No need to worry, sir. We’re in it for the long haul,” he said, looking back at Buck for over his shoulder.

And what a mistake had it been because Buck had his hand inside of his boxers and mouthed _one minute_ at Eddie without a care in the world.

“Eddie? Are you still there? 

“Yeah… Ah, yes, sir, I-I’m here. Sorry. Wha-what did you say?”

_“That Chris is fine. They’ve just finished breakfast and now they’re out in the garden with May, making more friendship bracelets. And I have to tell you I think Chris is making another one for her.”_

“Oh, God,” Eddie moaned, and prayed Cap had taken it happened out of concern for his kid’s infatuation, and not because of the foot – no, not flat enough to be a foot; perhaps a toe? – running down Eddie’s spine.

“Don’t worry, Eddie,” Cap said with enough humor to make Eddie believe he hadn’t noticed anything. “He’ll be fine. You know how kids are.”

“I hope it’s nothing.”

_"It is nothing. Just him being nice to her because she was nice to him.”_

“I guess I can live with that.” A swishing sound behind him, and a moment later there were Buck’s sweatpants flying over his shoulders and the damned toe back o his spine. “Do you, ah, need me to go and pick him up?”

_“No, they’re fine. And that’s why I’m calling. My wife told me with no uncertain terms that she will shoot anyone who rings our bell before eleven. And I believe her, so you’d better believe too.”_

Another swishing sound behind him, and this time a much smaller piece of clothing flew over his shoulder to land a foot ahead of his feet.

Buck’s fucking boxers!

“I can be there at about eleven-thirty. Would, would it be okay?”

He felt the pull of the sheet rustling behind him, and in the space of two heartbeats there was a heavy foot resting on one shoulder, and a second later its twin weight resting on the other.

Buck naked and all opened up behind him.

Dios!

_“Sure. You will be welcomed for lunch too. Is Buck coming with you?”_

_Oh, yeah sir; as soon as I finish this fucking call._

“Sure. I’ll make sure he comes.”

“Promises, promises,” he heard Buck whisper with a grunt.

“Cap, I, I have to go… Buck is calling me for breakfast.”

_“All right, sure. I’ll be expecting you in a couple of hours.”_

“Yeah, thanks, Cap. Please, tell Christopher I love him.”

_“Sure. See you later.”_

Eddie barely said his goodbye before dropping his phone on Bucks clothes lying at his feet.

In one swift motion, he got rid of his sweatpants and boxers all at once before turning to crawl his way to the middle of Buck's spread legs.

“Breakfast, Diaz?”

“You are a pest,” he mumbled, placing Buck’s legs back on his shoulder, his cock standing to attention to what he was seeing.

Buck shrugged and grinned at him. “I told you you had two minutes.”

“Actually, I got a couple of hours until we’re expected for lunch. Any ideas of what we could do until then?” he casually asked as he warmed up the dollop of lube Buck had squeezed on his fingers.

"I don't know, Diaz," Buck hissed when Eddie pressed inside to spread the lube just because since Buck was still loose from last night. "I guess I have an opening in my schedule I can fit you in."

“Oh, I know you can fit me in,” Eddie agreed with a lewd smile and a kiss before sinking right back home.

*****

A couple of weeks later found Eddie sitting in his living room folding their laundry – Buck’s included because Eddie didn’t want him wandering into the laundry room in his building for at least another couple of weeks – while Chris and Buck skyped on the brand-new tablet Buck had gotten him.

They were currently watching and trading points-of-view about old episodes of Tiny Toons. Despite having watched old reruns way before Buck and Christopher, he was considered too old to be officially invited to their sessions, but his presence was tolerated as long as he kept his comments to a minimum.

So there he was, organizing their clothes in piles and listening to his boyfriend and their kid talk and laugh about Buster and Babs Bunny onscreen antics. They usually did it after dinner when they were at Buck’s, but his boyfriend was on call this evening, and that’s when the tablet came in hand.

After their first quiet night spent at Buck’s following Chris’ sleepover at Cap’s (and the not so quiet night Eddie and Buck had spent there by themselves the next day – reaffirming sex was indeed one of the best), it had become commonplace for the three of them to stay one or two nights a week with Buck – and for Buck and Eddie to sneak around whenever they could.

“Why is Bugs so mean to Babs? He is always pulling pranks on her,” Chris observed with one eye on the screen and the other on the lines of the picture he was coloring.

 _“I don’t know, buddy. Perhaps because he likes her,”_ came Buck’s answer through the screen. _“Boys tend to act like that when they like a girl.”_

“How can they like them and be mean? It’s just stupid!”

“I agree, buddy,” Eddie pipped in, adding another shirt of Buck’s to the pile he would be taking to the station tomorrow. “If you love someone, you treat the person right.”

“Is that why you’ve been doing buck’s laundry?”

 _“Is that so, boyfriend?”_ Buck laughed. _“Doing my laundry because you love me?”_

“And sometimes I wonder why,” Eddie said, winking at the tablet.

Frankly, at this point, Eddie didn't know who of his boys were worse or why he loved them so much.

"Actually it's because Buck is too loud and keeps people awake at night. I don't want them to be mean to him, so I bring his laundry here."

“People are mean to you?”

_“No, kid. Your dad is just overzealous because he loves me so much. He exaggerates. And I'm not loud!”_

“Nope, kid. He is.”

“You aren’t loud when we sleep at your apartment.”

Onscreen Buck wiggled his eyebrow and pointed an accusing finger at Eddie. _“The kid says I’m not loud.”_

“The kid doesn’t know the things I do.”

“I don’t know what things, dad?”

Buck burst out laughing again, and then the alarm rang and Buck threw then a hasty _goodbye_ and _I love you_ before finishing their call to run to save the world.

“I like it better when you are working together.”

“And so do we, Chris. But when we are not working together we are extra careful, so we can come back to each other.”

“Because you love each other.”

“Yes, because we love each other. And also because Buck and I are pretty good at what we do.”

Without Buck, Chris lost interest in the cartoon and aimed his focus to the picture he was coloring.

“People are mean to Buck over at his building, dad?”

“No, Chris, they are not. It was just a joke between us.”

“Another reason why he should come back home,” Christopher grumbled in a perfect imitation of Eddie’s. “You don’t tell me a lot of things.”

“Because they are private.”

“Private is stupid.”

“We’ll talk about it again in a few years. You may change your mind until then.”

“I won’t because it is stupid, and he should come back home.”

“Christopher, we’ve talked about it, buddy.” Eddie reminded him with a sigh. “Besides, he told you he will come back.”

“When he’s ready, I know.” Christ stuck his tongue between his teeth to finish a particular line of his drawing. “Shouldn’t he be ready by now?”

“He’ll be ready when he is, Christopher. That’s how things work for us adults.”

“if being an adult is this complicated, I’d rather stay a kid.”

“Glad to know we agree on this subject, mijo. You may remain a kid until you’re thirty.”

“Isn’t Buck thirty?”

"And in a lot of ways, he's still a kid. See? It’s not so difficult.”

Chris looked at him and frowned, before shaking his head and going back to his drawing.

The TV was the only sound heard in the room when Eddie was finished with the laundry. He took Chris’ and his clothes to their rooms and got a pillowcase to stuff Buck’s inside, then took it to his room to leave it next to his bag for tomorrow.

His kid was right; he and Buck were complicated human beings. How come two people who so often declared their love for each other still be living apart?

He was not saying Buck was not right for asking for this time for them, after everything that happened. Eddie couldn't really complain, because Buck was slowly coming back to them, spending one or two evenings per week with them at the house, but he never spent the night, not yet. Instead, it was Eddie and Christopher driving to the apartment another couple of days a week to spend the night with him.

It was working to some degree, but Bobby said he could be greedy, so he was.

And it was frustrating.

He moved back to the living room to sit with Chris for a little longer before getting started on dinner. Or better, which place to call for takeout. Today Eddie was not in the mood to bother opening the freezer and look for something to stick into the oven. So be it.

“Dad, will you help me with the frame?”

“Sure, kid. What do you have in mind?”

“I was thinking popsicle sticks, so I could paint them once the glue was dry. Do you think it will look good?”

“Of course it will,” he said, joining Chris on the floor and getting the first look at his kid’s finished work.

Chris had drawn the three of them together, him and Eddie in the living room while Buck was a blond head framed inside of a tablet.

The drawing was beautiful, Christopher was getting pretty good at it, but it wasn't right, Buck should be sitting with them.

“Do you like it, dad?”

“Looks very good, kid,” Eddie reassured him by ruffling his head.

“I like it too, but Buck should be here.”

“He’s working, Chris.”

“I know, but I like it better when he’s here. Going to his apartment is not the same. Here we are like family.”

“We are like family at his apartment, too, Christopher.”

“I don’t know, dad,” Christopher said, his frustration visible on the way he looked around the room. “Everything of his is here. What does he have over at his apartment?”

And Buck was. In the pictures of them, they had printed and put in frames around the house, in his clothes hanging next to Eddie's in the closet, in his toothbrush and hair product waiting for his return in their bathroom.

But mostly in the pictures. There were so many, from so different moments, everywhere Eddie looked there was a bit of their story being told.

“Dad, do you think we could get a new picture board?”

“Sure, but where would we put it? And what would you like to do with it?”

"I was thinking about the entrance hall. And we have so many pictures with Buck… Perhaps if we put all of them together…"

Put all of them together…

Put all of them together…

_“Cardboard boxes.”_

_“Cardboard boxes? From when you moved in?”_

_“No, for when I move out, Eddie. For when it feels right to live with you and Christopher for real.”_

Put all of them together!

“Kid, you are a genius!” Eddie declared, planting a loud kiss on his kid’s head.

Chris grinned at him. “I am?”

“Yes, you are!” he confirmed checking his watch. Almost five. They had so much to do and so little time. “Come on! Hurry up and go get a warmer jacket. We have to go like now.”

“Go where? It’s almost dinner time.” Christopher asked confused but doing what he was told.

“Okay, it can be my cooking or pizza at Piencone. Take your pick.”

“NO! I’m coming! I’m coming!”

“You could sound less enthusiastic, you know?”

Christopher totally ignored him, and Eddie was okay with it.

That glint in his kid’s eyes? Eddie was sure it mirrored his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters to go. Feedback and kudos are much appreciated. So, please, let me know what you think.  
> Thanks for reading and take care.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black, white, glitter, and a wide range of vibrant colors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!  
> Just the same: unbetaed and I'm still hoping it makes sense.  
> Oh, and there is also an abusive use of ellipsis.  
> I hope you enjoy it.

Buck shut down the door to his apartment and turned on the lights to be greeted by the image of Christopher with his eyes closed behind the lenses of his glasses, head thrown back and nose wrinkled as he let out a full belly laugh, arms looped around Eddie’s neck in a piggyback ride of sorts, all of them wearing pajamas in their living room just before bedtime. Buck was standing a little ahead of them with his back turned, right arm stretched holding his phone up for a selfie, instructing them to say _cheese_ by the count of three.

Eddie remembered the noise Buck and Christopher had made getting ready for the picture. He also remembered missing the count and saying nothing. It hadn’t been necessary. Even in that black and white register caught on camera, during one of the first nights Buck had stayed with them, when everything, this being a family thing had been so new, there was so much love and happiness in the way Eddie’s back curved with the weight of their kid on his back and on the soft smile he was offering the lenses.

And that was only the first photograph covering the entire front of one of Buck’s cardboard boxes.

It was him and Christopher offering and pledging themselves to _Buck_ with the cardboard boxes from his storage unit and the tall, thin ones Eddie had bought to create the path of altars to declare their immeasurable love for their family.

Buck let his duffel fall on the floor and took two steps to his left around the same box.

There were five pictures, these ones colored, taken for a random barbecue at Hen’s. In none of them, they were posing for anything but for the chance of catching up with friends without the tension and adrenaline from work. There was one in particular in which they were talking to Chim and Albert, each holding a bottle of beer by its neck, Buck gesturing large and about with his as he talked, and Eddie with his free hand around Buck’s waist, eyes on his boyfriend offering a different kind of attention, full of a soft tenderness the dark lenses of the sunglasses he was wearing could not hide.

Buck took another couple of steps around and stopped, eyes roaming the next set of pictures, these ones taken at events over at Christopher's school. Some were taken by Buck himself, some by Eddie, a few by Christopher, or whoever had joined them for the occasion. What all of them had in common was the sense of comfort, love, and security born by ties that went beyond blood, especially in the ones registering moments shared by just Christopher and Buck, like the ones covering the last remaining side of the first box.

Buck was smiling.

His footsteps were large and impatient as he rushed to the next box. Another full-sized black and white picture covered its front with Buck, Eddie, and Christopher at abuela's sharing a slice of cake in her living room. Christopher had been adamant about them having equal parts of the cake, so he was the one with the plate on his lap, and each piece of cake he broke with a fork had been measured and weighted by their kid before he took turns feeding each of them. That picture had Eddie looking at a laughing Buck from over the fork Christopher was pushing into his mouth.

They were happy, always happy in each of the pictures taken at get-togethers and family events covering that box.

Buck kept walking around, always in movement, looking at the pictures overspreading around the boxes, telling stories that at times had him reaching out to touch some of them with something akin to reverence, or mumbling to himself about the memories they brought back.

Buck went back and forth when he remembered something from a specific moment or another. More than once he wiped the corner of his eyes or let the tears fall freely, always laughing, always smiling, looking relieved, and at peace.

Always happy.

There were child-like anticipation and eager curiosity in the way he moved to the last box, placed near the door to the balcony, only for him to frown at the sight before him. He circled the box twice, but the reality remained the same: a box wrapped in white paper, its edges framed in yellow and purple glitter, instead of the stories and moments relived through pictures of any kind.

“Why are there six boxes? I just had five. I mean, are those even mine?”

“Yes, from your storage broom closet.”

“Not a broom closet. Don’t be a jerk. And why is this one bare?” he asked without looking at Eddie, glaring at the box as if willing the pictures to pop up from the thin air. “Did you run out of pictures? There are so many here…”

Eddie smiled at the way his boyfriend tried to mask his disappointment.

“There are tons more where these ones came from. And I needed more room, so the sixth box.”

"But it's bare."

“For a reason.”

Buck glared at him, but let it go with another adoring, kind smile directed at the boxes spread around the room.

“I remember the occasions, but I don’t remember being in or seeing so many of them,” he said, moving back to the box bearing the pictures with events held at the firehouse.

“That’s because they are not only ours. Everybody pitched in.”

“Pitched in?” Buck asked, moving back to the front of the box with the picture of the two of them sandwiching Christopher as the three of them danced and sang in celebration of abuela’s 85th birthday. “Can I have a copy of this one?”

“Sure. This one for example came from Sofie’s.”

“Your sisters pitched in?”

“Yeah, along with _your_ sister, abuela, Hen, and Karen, Chim, Bobby and Athena, the kids… basically everybody from 118, plus my mom.”

“Your mom?” Buck repeated in disbelief.

"According to her, I'm very pathetic when I'm pinning. Dad refrained from commenting on anything, so I guess we’re fine.”

“You mean they’re okay with us now?”

“Who knows with my parents? But I have hopes family events will be less awkward from now on.”

"I hope so because abuela's birthday was something… not so memorable. Although these pictures tell a different story,” Buck counterargued himself softly.

Eddie loved him _so fucking much_.

“Would you come here, please?” Eddie called gently. “I have something for you.”

“More?”

“Yeah. I mean, kind of. Just, just come here,” Eddie asked again, waving the white envelope in his hand. “Please?”

Buck joined him on the empty space next to him on the step at the stairs to the loft, and for a few moments, they said nothing to each other. Buck because he was waiting, and Eddie because the rehearsal he had put himself through this past month meant nothing now that he had to make his intentions clear to Buck.

“I have so much to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.”

“Take your time, boyfriend. I will just stay here and enjoy the beauty of it,” Buck replied, eyes again fixed on the boxes holding so much of the moments that made them… well, _them_. “When did you find the time to do all this?”

“Basically all my free time without you this past month. Chris and I first spent a lot of time going through the pictures we had at home. There were so many, but we wanted something different. I wanted to see us the same way other people do. That’s why I asked for a little help.” Eddie smiled fondly at the memory of him and Christopher in their pajamas screening the pictures their family and friends kept sending them. “We went through the whole thing again, and once I had the ones we selected printed, I asked Maddie to get me a copy of your key to the broom closet. That was the hardest part, the waiting. I almost cried when she finally gave me the key. Have any ideas on how she got it?"

Buck laughed. “She tried to be subtle, I guess. Then one day she just told me she needed my keys for a little while. And it’s not a broom closet.”

“And you just gave it to her?”

“You have big sisters, Eddie. There are times you don’t ask questions. You just do as you’re told and hope for the best.”

“I guess I got my best,” Eddie said, smiling softly at him. Buck rolled his eyes, but the tenderness was all there for Eddie to see. “At least, I hope this will be the final outcome of, well, you know,” he said, handing the envelope to Buck. “We can start with what is in here.”

Buck opened the envelope and started going through the documents in there without pulling them out.

“Are these forms?”

“Yes. They are copies of the documents I wish will tie our lives together. If, you know, you’re willing.”

Buck nodded with a tiny smile and carefully placed the envelope on his lap before leafing through the first stapled sheaf of papers, the form they would have to fill to open a joint bank account. They had been tossing the idea around since their epic conversation in this very loft almost a couple of months ago.

“For the utility bills and groceries at first. Also, Chris takes a couple of school activities that my benefits do not cover. We can add them to our list of expenses if you don’t mind.”

“Would you, Eddie?” Buck asked softly.

“I will learn how not to, Buck,” he answered with the same softness. “I need to, right?”

“No, you don’t need to, but I’m glad you are willing to try. So of course I don’t mind investing in his education,” he declared with so much certainty and gratitude, Eddie had no idea how to respond to. “I bet he will be able to take more activities if he has the time, right?”

“Yes, as long as they don’t interfere with his regular classes and school performance.”

“We’ll make sure they won’t.”

The next sheaf of papers was a copy of the forms they would have to fill out once Buck moved in. No longer a matter of _if_ , but _when_. Simple but boring. Eddie was looking forward to the chance to sit down and work on and sign them together.

The last sheaf was a copy of the deed to the house and a list of the documents they would need when they decided they were ready for such a step, to have a new document drawn with Buck’s signature in it. Eddie was terrified, and the same fear was there, reflected in Buck’s eyes and staring back at him.

“It’s not something we have to do now, Buck. I’m willing to go through them together once you and I are both ready for this kind of commitment. While we wait, you renew your lease for the time being. You said it would just be for another couple of months, right?”

“Yes, but what if we need more time to make each other believe this is it?” was Buck’s hesitant reply while he gesture between the two of them.

“I know you are my it, Buck. I can’t see myself doing it with anyone else but you. But I also understand I still have to work on wooing you back to me, mi amor.”

"Why are we like this, Eddie?" Buck asked, his eyes welling up with tears. "I wish we could make it simple as you and Christopher did with our pictures."

“If anything, working on this project with Christopher, getting to go through all the pictures our friends and family were mailing… I love you, but I got to have a whole new perspective of my love for you through their eyes. And I want you to have the chance to experience the same. Not going anywhere, remember?”

Eddie looked over at the boxes he and Christopher spent so much time putting together.

“Each picture of you looking at Chris, of you, looking at me… of us looking at each other... You were right. I’ve already given you everything, just like I believe you’ve done to me. What is money before the magnitude of what we mean for each other, right?” he asked, gesturing to the little altars made of cardboard boxes and glitter he and Christopher had spread all over the space from the front door to the balcony.

“It’s your sense of security, Eddie. I can’t take it away from you.”

“So don’t. Just promise you will treasure it the same way you treasure everything else in this relationship.”

“I can do that,” Buck promised with a couple of tears rolling from his eyes. “We’re not going anywhere, right? We know that much about each other, that we want to stay together.”

“Yes, we do, mi amor. We’re in this together.”

“If you’re quoting High School Musical, Diaz…” Buck warned him with mischief giving a new gleam to his eyes.

“I’m not. Promise you.”

“Good. So, what about the last box?”

"Oh, I have something else for you." Eddie pulled a much smaller envelope from the pocket of his flannel and gave it to Buck. "Here.”

Buck opened the envelope and shook it until its content fell on the palm of his hand.

“A key?”

“Yep!”

“To what?”

“Hey, buddy, you can come out now.”

Buck was startled into a smile when Christopher came out of the pantry holding another envelope the same size of the one holding the documents Eddie had given him. He left his place beside Eddie to meet their kid halfway.

“Christopher!”

“Hi, Buck!”

Instead of picking Christopher up like Eddie would have done, Buck kneeled down and drew their kid into his arms. Eddie could see in the way his shoulders shook how hard he was fighting to hold back his tears.

“You were sitting in the pantry all this time?”

“Yes! I had to wait for dad to call me out. I was getting impatient already.” He was smiling, but looking anxiously at Buck. “Did you like our surprise? Dad and I worked hard getting everything ready. Did you like it?”

“Like it? I _loved_ it, buddy. Thank you so much for all this.”

“I helped dad select the pictures and Aunt Maddie helped a little with the glitter because dad is hopeless with glitter.”

“Dad can hear you, kiddo.”

Christopher giggled and deliberately stage whispered _it’s true_ to Buck.

“Less gossiping and more work, buddy. Don’t you have anything for Buck?”

“Oh, yes!” Christopher agreed, putting a little distance between them. “This is for you, Buck,” he said, handing him the envelope.

Buck opened the envelope and pulled out another black and white printed picture. He smiled confusedly at Eddie.

“A mailbox?

A simple one made with dark material and shaped like a house. Eddie and Christopher had chosen it together.

“It’s for you to pin on the last storyboard, Buck!”

“Storyboard?”

Chris sighed and rolled his eyes; for once Eddie was glad it was not directed at him.

“The storyboard of our own number six, Buck. Dad said we can add more later, but that we have to start with this one.”

“A storyboard of… A storyboard our own?” Buck asked around a sniffle and a smile. Christopher nodded and hugged him around his neck. “I like the sound of that. Thanks, buddy.” “Should we put it up now?”

“First I have another thing for you, mi novio. Would you come back here, please?”

The three of them squeezed their way around each other until they finally managed to share the same step Eddie was still sitting on with Chris between them.

“This is for you,” Eddie said, handing him a little velvet bag held closed by a golden string. Eddie knew Buck wasn’t much of a jewelry guy, but he hoped his boyfriend would enjoy this final gift.

Buck returned the envelope to Christopher. Then he accepted the gift from Eddie and untied the string before sticking his fingers inside the little bag.

It was a Saint Jude medallion like the one Eddie had, and that Shannon’s mother had given to Christopher when he was born.

“Eddie…” he breathed out.

“Turn it around.”

Buck did. On the back, there was a tiny reproduction of the picture on the front of the first storyboard. Buck traced the lines of their faces with all the love Eddie knew he could project on the tip of his fingers with so much respect and adoration it bordered on sanctity.

“I don’t know what to say,” Buck confessed softly.

“Please, just tell me you understand, mi amor,” Eddie asked softly. “I just need you to understand. We can work anything else from there.”

Buck said nothing, but he reached out from over Chris's head and pulled Eddie into a kiss, brief, and yet with so many feelings, it was Eddie's turn to shed a few relieved tears and ignore the resigned, suffering sigh coming from Christopher.

“So this is the beginning of storyboard number six?” Buck asked, admiring again the picture of the mailbox. “I like it. But why a new one?”

“Dad said we needed space for this,” Chris answered, pulling out another paper from his envelope. “Take a look. I did them myself. Dad said they are both good, but you gotta decide which one we’re going to use.”

"Buckley-Diaz. Diaz-Buckley," Buck choked up the words Chris has stenciled in the blue construction paper. He hugged Christopher, then kissed and nuzzled the top of his head. “Both sound fine, but Buckley-Dias has a special ring to it, don’t you think?”

“TOLD YOU, DAD!”

“Indoor voice, my little mind reader.” Eddie chided him with a smile. “So I guess it’s settled.”

“When can we have it done, dad?”

"Not today, kid. For now, we're keeping it in Buck's broom storage closet."

“It’s not a broom storage closet. And what is it doing there?”

“Call it an incentive, mi novio. Another little bring home along with our storyboards,” Eddie said winking at him. “But, you know, take your time.”

“Time,” Buck repeated like someone who was testing the weight of the words and the consequence it may or may not have to his future.

“Yes, _time_ ,” Eddie reassured him with a certainty that he was lacking not so long ago. “And speaking of time, we have to go,” he added, standing up and urging Christopher to do the same because if he stayed one minute longer, he would be packing Buck along with them.

“We’re not staying, dad?”

“No. We talked about it, little man. We’ve pestered Buck long enough. Now you go brush your teeth while I put our storyboards away.”

“I’ve already brushed my teeth!”

“That was before the Cookie Monster inside Buck’s pantry attacked you. Don’t think I didn’t notice the crumbs on your cheeks. Now go because you have school in the morning.”

“But-“

“Now, kid. You and cavities are a nightmare I’m still recovering from.”

“Buck?”

“I’m with your dad, kid. You and cavities are a combination to be avoided by all means.”

“All means,” Eddie agreed.

“It’s not fair!”

“We can always call the Tickle Monster to make it fair.”

“I’m too old to be bothered by the Tickle Monster.”

“There’s no such a thing as being too old for the Tickle Monster.”

And to prove his point, Buck swept Christopher into his lap and let the Tickle Monster reign through his fingers.

“DAD!” Christopher screamed, dissolving into a puddle of screeching laughter. “Make him stop!”

“Can’t. The only way for him to stop is if you go brush your teeth.”

“I’LL GO! I’LL GO!”

Buck waited until Christopher stopped laughing to help him up and on his way to the loft.

“Crutches off, buddy,” Buck reminded him.

“I know,” Chris said, leaving them with Buck.

“Careful on the stairs.”

“I know, dad,” Chris answered, already making his way up the stairs. “Harry was wrong,”

“Harry was wrong about what, buddy?” Buck asked, watching him take one step at a time with the eyes of an eagle. Or of a mother hen.

“He said pops are easier to take our side. But you’re not. You’re worse than dad.”

He reached the top of the stairs grumbling about the unfairness of now having two parents to play tricks on him.

Then there was the silence that extended beyond the sound of Christopher closing the door to the bathroom upstairs.

That extended beyond the amount of time it took Eddie to understand what had transpired.

Pops. Two parents.

 _Buck_.

“Buck?” Eddie called softly, afraid of startling him and have him fall down.

Buck turned back to Eddie, his face pale, his eyes wide open and glistening, lips moving with no sound coming forth.

A resounding, sweet, beautiful silence.

“Mi amor?” Eddie tried again.

“Did he… Did he…”

Eddie smiled.

“I think so.”

“Oh, God.” Buck sat down and covered his mouth with trembling hands. “Oh, God.”

“Hey, you okay?” Eddie asked, joining back on the steps. “If you’re not okay with it-“

“No! That’s not it… I just… I didn’t think he would… I wanted, but I never… Eddie, I swear, I never asked-“

“Hey, take it easy. It’s okay. It's been a long time coming, don’t you think?”

“I guess. I dreamed of it, but nothing could have prepared me for this. For him…” Buck took a deep, calming breath, then another. “Do you think it will become a thing?”

“I guess it will, with time. He loves you, Buck.”

“I love him too, Eddie. I never thought I could have such an unconditional love for a kid. And now this. I’m afraid to believe.”

“Well, mi amor, too late. It has already happened.” Eddie patted his leg and smiled. “Well, let me take the boxes back to their broom closet and-“

“No!”

“No? But-“

“I like them where they are. Besides, all this glitter, my allergies…”

Allergies? What the-

Oh.

“I should find a place to spend a couple of days. The glitter, you know.”

Eddie knew! Eddie fucking knew, and he could fucking fly with the weight of the last few months finally gone.

He could fucking fly!

But he wouldn’t because what would be the fun of it?

“Allergies?”

“Just shut up and work with me, Diaz. Do you know of a place I could go for the next couple of days or not?”

“I know of a place where you could spend a couple of lifetimes. We even have half a closet full of clothes that will fit you just fine. We also have great linen, some good kitchen appliances I have no idea what to do with… You know, just the basics.”

“Great, because I was getting sick of buying new clothes, linen, and kitchen appliances at Target.”

"You sure you don't want to stay for a little longer? I could offer you my firstborn for a better bargain, but since he has already claimed you…”

Buck was a beautiful man, but that smile splitting his face in two and radiating sunshine was the thing poets wrote about.

“Let’s start with a couple of weeks and see how it goes from there. And I’ll keep your fistborn in mind.”

“We can work with that.”

He pulled Buck onto his feet and into his arms, into a hug and into a kiss meant to fuse them together and never see them apart again.

“Not again.”

Except for a ten-year-old who loved to pester them whenever they kissed.

“It’s getting old, kid,” Eddie chided their kid without letting go of his boyfriend.

Partner. Future husband. Pops to his kid.

“It’s embarrassing seeing your dads kissing all the time.”

Okay, forget radiating sunshine. Buck was beaming like a fucking supernova.

“Stop complaining and help us clean up the fridge.”

“Why?”

“Buck is coming ho-“

“YAY!”

Thank God it was just another couple of steps between his boys.

And then there was nothing else between Eddie and his boys, but their arms, laughter, and love wrapping them together.

A whole package deal surrounded by glitter and cardboard boxes bearing the telling tale of their journey registered in black, white, glitter, and a wide range of vibrant colors composing these storyboards of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go. I will miss writing about these guys, since this story is pretty much done.  
> I'd like to take my time thanking you for your time reading this fic and for the feedback - that now I'll finally start replying to. Please, believe me when I say that everything, every little thought you shared about this story has been very much appreciated - or, in Brazilian-English, a must! Must here meaning how much your words moved me into keep going.  
> So, thanks again, and I hope you've enjoyed the journey so far. I'll do my best to have the epilogue up in a couple of weeks.  
> Again, thank you so much for reading my little fic.  
> Feedback and kudos still very much cherished <3  
> Stay safe and take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking your time to read my fic.  
> Unbetaed and all the mistakes and nonsense belong to me.


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